When you listen to your gut

[MiaGracie]

Quick version just read from the teady emoji
Basically it's a year since I ended with dp, I had ignored all the signs, pretended to myself I was in control of the situation and that the good times out weighed the broken heart.
Only ever listening to my gut long enough to find excuses and post on here to prove I was overreacting.

In the last year: I have loved me, stayed clear of men besides a little chat here and there. I have treated myself to things I believe I couldn't afford ( really stupid stuff like paint to do my room up or unicorn bedcovers because I'm a mum and partner so everyone else's comes first)

All that great healing

Occasionally I think 'what would of happened if I hard listened to my gut at the beginning'
And Yesterday I found the answer.

Two weeks I was chatting to this guy, replied to every text within seconds etc, really keen. Go chat etc

But he said ' hey don't read in to me replying quickly I just don't like unread texts or not replying'

No big thing but I didn't like it so I blocked him. Don't want to be told how to view something, if you are unable not to reply that's a you issue.
I know some will think that was an over reaction but just wait.

So the next night, he pops up on my insta, no follow, just dm about blocking him. I told his why I did it. He replied with you know I like you and that I want to dm you.

Ok, I was less interested but I replied a few times to him.
Then in the mix of conversation, he insults me, ' banter ' about my age. That is something I don't accept: we are chatting, no need to get that comfortable before i have even met you. He still hasn't followed me again this is odd.

I decided just to cut this off.

The next day he dms on the app we first match. But his name is different from the insta account. Didn't notice it before.

Checked Facebook and BOOM he has a Gf and 18 month dc with her.

Now those things didn't seem like much (red flags), but I didn't let the good conversation change my own boundaries. My gut told me, and I listened.
I am currently in bed with my 32 month ds who is snoring, having a coffee and writing this post.
I feel upset for his poor gf, because I wasn't offering anything better or even close to what she does, I wasn't even that interested.

But he would of met me, ( Covid really doesn't seem to make them stop, I'm not meeting anyone until next June)
all before Xmas and during a pandemic for what...

Anyway Just listen to your gut is what I'm Saying because I feel calm and safe, when last year I was a broken mess, because I didn't for 3 years.

I feel exactly the same about gut instinct. Often we see, hear, smell or read things which send our senses into beware danger mode, that's our subconscious mind alerting us to something being wrong that we may not notice or fully comprehend in our conscious mind.

I was set up on a date many years ago with a man everybody claimed was "lovely, charming" etc. He was very well presented, lovely clothes, well groomed, good job, manners, handsome, appropriate conversation and very charming.

There was something very off about him. There was nothing behind the eyes, he looked to me like he was acting. There was a vibe from him that felt dangerous. He looked so normal and nice but he felt scary. It was baffling. But I went with my instinct to run and never go near him again.

My friends told me I was paranoid because I couldn't pinpoint anything other than a feeling, vibe and sense that his words weren't matching in pace with his expressions. I ignored them.

Several years later I heard he'd been charged in relation to violent assault on his girlfriend, he nearly killed her. He got off easy and he was later sent to prison for violent rapes against two women.

I've also ignored my instinct a couple of times with dreadful results. I always pay attention now.

It's the gut brain connection.

Hi Op Always trust your instincts !!!
They are like a very good wise counsul friend.
Carry on looking after your needs it is self care it is very important and will help to raise your self esteem so less likely to fall prey to co dependency toxic relantships too.

This guy sounds like he is playing mind games with you too, a huge red flag to dodge him sure fast.

@ReneeRol right! And you seem crazy for doubting it there fake behaviour.

Friends and family don't mean to but can really cause extra issues when dating cause of this.

But trusting your gut is key, especially when most of us grow up seeing these types of lies and bad relationships on tv growing up.

That is so terrible, poor women never knowing what evil they were meeting