Is it right to be thinking about an ex from 10 years ago?

[TTlover]

I am 24 and living with my current partner. We have been together for 7 years.

Recently I’ve been having many dreams about my ex boyfriend who I was with towards the end of secondary school and in my college days. My first love, the first person I was intimate with.

We were together for 2 years. I always thought I was ‘punching’ as he was so gorgeous. My family didn’t take a liking to him and myself and him used to have petty arguments. When I was 16, we had a big argument which resulted in my parents telling him what they thought of him. He then ended things with me the next day.

I was heart broken and depressed and lonely for a long time. Throughout the other college years I would seek one night stands to mend my broken heart. There was nothing I could have done to get my first love back.

I met my current partner and fell in love. We were happy, we are happy. However since moving in together our relationship is pretty much sexless.

I searched my ex’s Facebook profile tonight to find that he has posted a picture of him and his gorgeous new girlfriend. I just burst into tears!

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have moved on, and I know it was right for things to end between me and my ex, but I feel like I stupidly haven’t healed from this.

I have put on a lot of weight and am not half the fun person I used to be. I now feel so bland and boring. At 24, doing housework and reading books all the time. Not much going on. My partner for the most part is supportive and makes me laugh, I just wish for that love/ lust that I once had.

Does this sound normal? I know it’s crazy and I feel bad writing this. Thanks

When it gets a bit stale and boring you start reminiscing about past loves, at a time when it was more exciting but Long enough to forget how painful the ending was. Social media always makes people look like they have great happy lives but I wonder if he really is a good boyfriend, I'm sure you ended it with good reason and if your family didn't like him then that confirms he really wasn't the one.
The intial lust does wear off especially when living together, you just have to make time for each other and appreciate what you have.

I get this too, OP - usually when I'm bored, or shattered or feel somehow underappreciated. It's easy to go into this fantasy mindspace of thinking what you'd do if you were back in that situation, particularly when you got together with your partner young (speaking as someone who did the same). The uncomfortable reality is that there probably is a better looking partner out there, or one better at sex (especially hard if this partner in your head seems like an ex!) but only you can decide if you're happy enough to keep giving it a go with your current DP. Either way, you're young and you will find happiness in the end, I truly believe that.

I think on more general terms, people conflate sex and intimacy but for you it seems like an issue within your relationship. Have you spoken to your partner about these worries?