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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend is emotionally selfish

13 replies

Sophie1029734 · 20/11/2020 21:55

Hi everyone I'm new to here. I'm 21 and I've been with my partner for 2 years, we have a 9 month old little girl. 2 days before I was induced I moved to his area away from family, I had stayed at his mums with him so I knew the way to the shops, parks etc
When we met he told me he loved going out, was very affectionate, loving and over all a great boyfriend. He would kiss me, hug me, care about me. 5 months later and it got less and less to where if I didnt initiate affection it would never happen. This first time I brought it up he seemed to care but nothing ever changed. He eventually stopped doing things I enjoy too, in the last year weve been out together twice. I thrive from being outdoors but all he will do is stay in and watch a movie with me, if I'm lucky. When our baby was 6weeks lockdown happened, during it he spent all his time on the ps4 as I cleaned up, looked after the baby, made food, learnt to breastfeed and all that. I was in a lot of pain with a bad tear. I would get so stressed and just cry and cry and he took no notice of me. I've cried to him saying I'm sick of him not showing me any love or going out with me, he will shrug me off and make me feel like I'm starting an argument and that hea spent time with me because we watched a film together... Hes changed a bit now and plays with the baby when hes back from work, but me? Yh he might mess around now and then when he walks past, yh he might touch me with his foot in bed but it's not enough. I'm sad.
I cant move back home because it's really not suitable for a baby, my nan would have me for a bit but nothing permanent. This relationship is draining me, i go for 10min walks because I dont know the area enough to go further. I have no friends here. I'm lonely, I wake up to the same routine everyday. He comes in, plays with the baby and has a shower, he goes on his game till he sleeps. I see the same walls everyday. I want more. But I dont know how to leave, I also feel sad separating the baby from him. Please can I have some advice

OP posts:
beavisandbutthead · 20/11/2020 21:56

Sounds pretty awful, can you move back home where you will have your family to support you?

Woahisme · 20/11/2020 21:59

There's two issues at play. One is he is feckless father who leaves you to do all the running around.

The second is he doesn't give a shit about you.

The first part is bad enough. What is wrong with moving back home? Why would it bot be suitable?

Woahisme · 20/11/2020 22:00

Not*

nevernotstruggling · 20/11/2020 22:01

Oh Lord this is no life when you're 21!!
Go back home and apply for housing there x

Sophie1029734 · 20/11/2020 23:09

I cant live there because it's very unsuitable. I was left with complex ptsd which resulted in depersonilsation-dereslisation which I've had none stop since 14. Its things to do with alcahol, physical arguments and despite there being less drinking in the house, I just couldn't live there again. I love my family very much, all is forgiven.
My nan would have me but not permanently so I feel stuck :(

OP posts:
Sophie1029734 · 20/11/2020 23:10

Can anyone apply for housing?

OP posts:
beavisandbutthead · 21/11/2020 08:19

You can look at private rent options who accept housing benefit applicants and apply for housing benefit. You may need to check with benefits how much your limit would be and explore options. I would suggest you return though to the area where you have friends and family

nevernotstruggling · 21/11/2020 09:30

What is the living situation now? If it's a flat you are both in you can ask him to leave. I don't want this post unanswered.

If you tell him you want to split how will he react?

You can apply for housing where you are or back where your family is as you have local connections.

If you are homeless you will be high priority as you have a baby.

J

itbemay1 · 21/11/2020 09:32

Go home. Stay with your nan and be with someone who cares about you (hugs)

TiggerDatter · 21/11/2020 09:34

Could you go back to your nan’s now, then sort out a permanent solution once you’re there?

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 21/11/2020 09:37

Contact Citizens Advice for benefits advice if you were to split. Or you could check yourself on entitledto.co.uk

Contact the council's housing options team (the council where your friends and family live) to look at how long the waiting list is or for a list of housing associations that you can contact.

Start getting proactive and focus on what you can do. Don't say anything to him yet, you may end up stuck with him til after Christmas so you don't want to make it awkward. Carry on as normal until you know you have somewhere to live.

CodenameVillanelle · 21/11/2020 09:41

Go to your nan and make a housing application from there. Are you on the tenancy you live in currently?

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 21/11/2020 09:59

Go to your nans short term. Make a homeless application to your local council. Get benefits advice and make an application for universal credit. You are strong and you will survive. good luck!

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