How do you stop the pain

[Smoothyloopy]

OH of 27 years moved out at the beginning of October. He feels we have grown apart & while ill admit we were in a bit of a rut, I'm sure this happens in all long term relationships, i never thought for one minute it was this bad. We have DD4 & DS11 who are heart broken.

He hit 50 this year so I'm not sure if he's had some sort of mid life crisis but honestly he's the last person I would have expected to do this. I thought we were so strong as a couple. Everyone who knows us is so shocked.

He agreed to relate sessions in August but instead of working to see where we could work on things spent the time saying he didn't know whether to stay or go which ment the councilor couldn't help us.

He's signed over his half of the house & pays above the minimum amount for the kids, I think because he feels guilty.

I am absolutely broken, he is the love of my life I can't see a way forward without him & honestly without the kids to keep me going I would be in a very dark place.

I desperately hope he'll come back but I know he won't. He gets to play Dad 2 evenings & a day a week then the rest of the time is his own. Meanwhile I'm struggling to get through each day & look after 2 very sad children.

I think the first few weeks I've been in shock but last week it was like I'd been hit by a wall of pain & it just gets worse every day, I just don't know what to do.

@Smoothyloopy

It is hard to get your head Round because you have had many happy years. For whatever reason they feel less content with family life. In my situation ex got an exciting new job. And massive social life from this. It really wasn't my scene. So he slowly slipped away.

I know I didn't make him happy. I was stuck in my ways and content at home and with the family. I also know that although he moved on with ow he misses family life. The kids and all that entails. The grass wasn't greener. It was just different grass. So he told me recently.

He does seem to have disconnected fairly easily. I asked him how he could live away from the children & although he said he's finding it a bit hard its not too bad.

He is putting in quite a bit of effort with the kids when he has them, which had been lacking a bit before which is good. He is a good dad & I know he's worried about me & does care, just not enough apparently.

My sister is divorced & at least her husband was an ashole & she is getter off without him. I can't say that because although OH has done a shitty thing he isn't a shit & I don't feel better off without him.

Don't blame yourself op for him leaving. I spent ages blaming myself, if I'd been slimmer, spent more money on him, more sex, more cuddles, been more attractive, it was horrid, I was like this until one of my friends said 'you could have farted rainbow dust and turned water into wine and he'd still have left' she was right.

You sound like you're doing the right thing, not doing the pick me dance abs accepting it's over. Start to look after yourself too.

Op I am so sorry this is happening to you. The DC are so young too. Utterly crap for you all. Wishing you lots of strength

Why are men so cold like this though? How can they detach do easily? Do they not feel as much in the first place? Or are they cut off from their feelings. After 27 years of marriage, or preferably long before, why could he not have the decency to at least sit down with op and discuss how he was feeling?

Thank you all for the advice, will just keep trying to get through each day x

How are you today op?

Not great but better than the weekend, felt quite hopeless then.

I've been quite busy at work this week hut in down time my brain just starts, what could I have done, what can I do to put things right, hell come back, no he won't, over & over. I know I need to stop but its really hard.