Stop feeling sick at the thought of him and the OW

[Whatafoolll]

My exdh cheated and left me for the OW. Then came back home to try again for 6 months then finished it again. I now believe that at ime he was “trying” with me,that he was still in touch with the OW and funnily enough, him ending it two weeks ago was around the time he got back in touch (again) with the OW (friend of a friend, who knows her, informed me).
I don’t think she has a clue that he was trying again with me during these 6 months.
Totally baffles me how he has in the past spoke badly of her, telling me things about her personality etc that he disliked.

My question is, I feel sick at the thought of him back with her. How do I stop thinking about them and wondering if he is with her now? After everything he put me through I do not love him but it still makes me feel really anxious. I hate that he has put me in this situation.

Guarantee he slags you off to her too, yet still makes her feel like you are her competition.

Look up narcissistic triangulation (when they play one woman off against the other).

He has basically conditioned you to feel on edge. He is playing with you like a marionette. If it helps, she feels the same way or soon will. He doesnt actually like either of you. He just wants to manipulate you both to boost his ego.

You can choose to bow out of his mindfuckery.
Block him on everything and dont play his game anymore.

God you poor thing, I'm so sorry you've been through that.

Please look into EMDR therapy - it changed my life. I initially thought it sounded like bullshit but I'm so glad I was pushed by my psych team to try it as a way of combatting PTSD.

It means that now when I have memories of my trauma, they are sad but not gutpunch / taking the wind out of my sails type sad. It's made so much difference to my quality of life and helped me move on from the trauma.

By remembering that he is a twunt.

Unfortunately we have a child together, so I am unable to block him. Would be so much easier if I could just remove him from my life.

He has got our DS for an extra night this weekend and collected him at noon today. I was very to the point with him and refused to engage in chatter with him. I genuinely believe that he believes he has done no wrong!

I shall look into EMDR thank you. I have being in counselling since the affair was uncovered and it has helped some, but due to the fact that he has continued to drag it out, I’ve felt very up and down about the situation.

As much as I do not want to feel sorry for the OW, I can’t help but think he has treated us both terribly

You will get to a point where you really don't care. I went though this for a year with the father of my child. Was so sick at the thought of them together that I wasn't eating / sleeping. I was distraught at loosing what I thought was the love of my life. I was desparate for him back and did the pick me dance. We ended up getting back together for a few months and something snapped inside me where I just found him vile and I asked him to leave. He went straight back to OW. 9 months later she had their baby.... so if I'm honest I don't really think they had stopped while he was trying with me. I really don't know what to advise you other than you will one day stop torturing yourself over it. One day you will have the realisation that he is a twat. 4 years later I get on really well with OW. And and I do feel sorry for her because my ex can be a complete cock.

I'm in the same situation apart from i haven't taken him back. I'm on all sorts of medication for anxiety and depression now as I can't get it out of my head alot of the time. She can do no wrong in his eyes yet she was the one who orchestrated it all.

I'm honestly struggling

@Sideorderofchips

I'm in the same situation apart from i haven't taken him back. I'm on all sorts of medication for anxiety and depression now as I can't get it out of my head alot of the time. She can do no wrong in his eyes yet she was the one who orchestrated it all.

I'm honestly struggling

I'm currently taking Citalopram, Propropanol and Sleeping tablets...probably why I feel ok ish at the minute. Not sure I would cope without them at the minute.

What happened in your situation ?

2 years ago he said he was leaving. Never left. We started to work things out. My now ex friend was constantly messaging him etc. Behaviour went down hill so I asked him to leave new years day.

Turns out that he was sleeping with her and both of them lied and gaslighted me about it. Her especially telling me I was paranoid, how dare I etc. Found out end of August I was right all along and she's playing the victim now telling everyone we know how it's all my fault

If you don't love him you should call time on this. Its still a gut wrencher after you've finished your relationship thinking of the two of them sharing each other and enjoying life. I'd let your friend of a friend know you're going out on a few dates with a lovely new bloke and see how that goes down with him. He'll hate it for sure.

Like many men he has created a messy end to this . They are unable to be honest or forthright and create a right clusterfuck like this . Keep on your meds for now and gradually you will be able to cope better . It really does just take time - one day you will look back and realise he did you a favour . Many of us have been there .

As a PP said, I was going to recommend EMDR. It's really helpful for the after effects of trauma, and effectively what you've been through is trauma.

funnily enough, him ending it two weeks ago was around the time he got back in touch (again) with the OW (friend of a friend, who knows her, informed me).

I would maybe tell friends that you don't want to know any more of what he's upto than you find out by yourself. It's just painful for you to hear these things.

Totally baffles me how he has in the past spoke badly of her, telling me things about her personality etc that he disliked.

They almost always say stuff slagging off the OW if they want to get back with you, to try and get what they want. It's what they do.

Thanks everyone, I just miss him so much right now. Being fine the last two days, think it’s because it’s the weekend plus I just miss the family unit and having someone there. I know he has treat me shockingly and I know I deserve better but he’s being all I have known for so long and it just hurts that he could treat me this way.