Trust and honesty

[1950s1]

A & B are engaged, but B has the tendency to be dishonest. A is not interested in abandoning the relationship and wants to work to fix the issue. B has expressed that in order to save the relationship with A, they are willing to work on it too. How would you recommend working on this issue?

Dishonesty boils down to respect, or lack there of, for the other person. Person B can say they want to 'work on it' all they like but it doesn't really mean jack shit.

If it were a reasonable issue to work on, I would suggest that person B would also be stating HOW they intend to work on it. Not just leave it for person A to figure out. Is this the case?

Talk is cheap. And talk from a liar, sorry, but its worthless.

Person A would do better to work on their self esteem and establish why they are making excuses for someone who consistently acts dishonestly towards them. Individual counciling for both parties might be useful.

"A" is massively wasting their time. B will not change.

What is B's rationale for the dishonesty?

And agree that B needs to come up with the solutions.

Examples of solutions b should perhaps be suggesting of their own accord (subject to specifics of their dishonesty):

• Complete transparency,including sharing their phone/email passwords.
• Not drinking (if it makes them do things they feel the need to lie about)
• Avoiding friendships with ppl who lead them to dishonest activities.
• Individual counciling to get to the bottom of this need to lie.

Here's the thing though, if it comes to all this, even if B does all this work...is the relationship really worth preserving? Theres no trust. It sounds like hard bloody work.

You're A, aren't you, and you don't want us to say LTB.

The thing is though that you can't trust him. What kind of life can you have with someone like that?

Depends on the reason for lying. I don't think B will change without therapy of some sort. Even then the impulse to lie to avoid confrontation may still be too strong to override, if that's the reason behind it. If it's a case of lacking the basic respect required in a healthy relationship then nothing will work because B just doesnt give a shit.

I agree with HollowTalk. But I will say it LTB. If it’s so bad that you have to word this in such a way not to receive a certain response then it’s too far gone to fix.