How to split up as a sahm

[LaraT211]

I have one baby and toddler and would like to split with my partner. We keep having arguments but then just getting on with it when we both calm down. I guess we feel trapped as we have a mortgage and I don’t work. I just don’t know how we’d go about a split. He couldn’t afford to rent and pay all my bills if I stayed in the house. He may be able to live with his family in a small room, but I feel uncomfortable with him paying all my bills if we aren’t together. I can’t live with any my family due to space. We could wait till kids are in school and I have a job, but then it may be harder as they are so young now, they wouldn’t be as affected. It would also be easier if they aren’t in school so I could be near my family. What are my options, please help

Then you should leave and rent somewhere else and either look for work or claim universal credit. Why should he pay your bills if you split with him!

He’s not obliged to pay all your bills. You will need to claim benefits and find a job. He will have to pay maintenance towards the children based on a % of his salary.

Why would he need to pay your bills? You would need to get a job. Check the CMS calculator to see what maintenance he would need to pay you and a benefits calculator to see what you might be entitled to. It is unlikely you would be able to remain a SAHM.

The nursery fees for two kids would make a job not worthwhile. Could I claim uc and rent if I own a house?

Are you married? If not, he's likely to be liable to pay child maintenance and little else (maybe a share of the house equity depending on various factors). He will not be obliged to pay all your bills if you split up! Speak to Citizens' Advice to see if they can help.

How could you claim for rent if you owned a house?

Are you married?

I believe you can claim some element of UC for housing if you own a house but it’s much smaller.

The important question here is whether you're married or not.

I own a house, which xh wouldn't leave when we split, so I left to rent. I claim UC for my rent, the basic allowance for 2 kids plus housing benefit is about £1200, plus your child benefit which is about £120 a month for 2 kids. Go on the benefits calculator and check what you would be eligible for. I work so my UC is reduced but it's still a decent amount

Thanks. We aren’t married but we jointly own the house

First step is to check what child support he'd need to pay or what he'd agree to pay of over the minimum required

Then what benefits you'd be entitled to

It would be worth working if you spilt as you'd probably be able to get help with nursery costs

You get 30 hours free from 3 anyway that would make working probably viable,

He wouldn't have to pay all the bills, maybe he'd want to but if not rely on it

As an unmarried sahm, you're entitled to nothing apart from child support from him.

What age are your children and when will they qualify for free child care?

Sell the house, get a job and rent somewhere else.
Or he could buy you out if the house and you rent somewhere else.

You need to sell up and rent until you can return to work then. You will be able to get uc until your youngest is in school without a work requirement after which (well once at nursery) they will expect you to prepare to return to work.

Looks like you're going to have to sell up, unless he can buy you out. Check the Entitled To benefits calculator and see what you can get from the state. You aren't married so he does not have to pay any of your bills. Just child support.

Why did you think he would be paying all of your bills? Also why do you assume that he has to move out if it's his house aswell? If you don't want to be with him anymore why wouldn't you move out and him stay in the house since he's the one that pays all the bills.

If you split he might well prefer that you sell the house so he can buy elsewhere. Perhaps you could to if you got a job.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect to split up yet stay in the house with him paying your bills plus rent and bills at another place.

You would probably be eligible for help with childcare costs, work should be the first priority

The house will have to be sold.
People who choose to not be married have zero legal protections, you’ve put yourself in a dreadful position

PPs have made a lot of good suggestions.

Just a note of caution though - the baby/toddler years are truly the most difficult on your relationship, making you tired and irritable with each other. Maybe the relationship is worth saving/working on? Could you try couples counselling or something?

Sell up, rent a new place, go on UC and get a job. Then decide who the children are going to live with and if any CM is due.
Pretty straightforward, no one has to pay anyone else bills.

Why do you have nursery fees if you are a SAHM?

How much equity is there in the house op? How old are your dc? You say toddler so presumably you haven't been out of work for a very, very long time, what did you do for a living before dc?

“The nursery fees for two kids would make a job not worthwhile. Could I claim uc and rent if I own a house?”

It’s always risky for a woman to give up working purely because the childcare costs seem to outweigh the benefits of the salary. Particularly if you are unmarried. In the early years of our two children, my entire salary went on childcare costs, more or less, and my husband paid for everything else. So we really only broke even. But it was important to me to be back at work – I wasn’t well suited to being an SAHM, much as I loved our DDs – and we regarded it as an investment in our family’s future. Which it was because it allowed me to develop my career in the workplace, gave me financial independence and the salary I now earn considerably outstrips our childcare costs and allows us to have a standard of living as a family which would not be available if we were on one salary.

Money isn’t the only consideration, of course. You may also have other reasons for wanting to be an SAHM – some parents are extremely well suited to it and make an excellent job of it – but if not it’s better to find a way to go back to work at least part time and regard the childcare costs as an investment in your and your family’s future. In the end, if you’re entirely dependent on someone else for your income, it does put you in a very vulnerable position and that in itself is not necessarily very good for your children.

Have you both considered putting the effort in to your relationship. I think it would be practical to work on your communication issues