My much loved father died in July. He caught COVID-19 in March whilst in hospital for a routine procedure - I was told that he tested negative in May but then caught sepsis/other complications and died. It was very traumatic.
Unfortunately due to lockdown we were completely alone. My father was divorced and I am an only child. His family and my Mother live in another city. My relationship with my mother has always been strained (lots of issues as a child) however we muddled on and , largely for my fathers sake (he was unaware of what had happened and was fond of my mother) met up as a sort of family unit a few times a year etc.
However for the first time since I was a child this year I asked for her help and she declined. Three times I asked if she could help me (when my father was diagnosed with COVID19, when I was ill and when he was dying) but she said no. In hindsight I was stupid to think she might help but she had given so many assurances over recent years about being different/having changed/loving me that I suppose I must have believed her. She also knew that because I had been unable to work that I had no money and that I had no hot water. Despite inheriting a substantial sum (I have recently found out over £500k) she didn't offer me a penny.
I feel very hurt by all of this. Its the first time in over 20years that I have asked for help but nothing. I do recognise that she may have felt too afraid to travel during the lockdown and that even after it was lifted she may have been nervous. I also respect that the inheritance is completely hers to do with as she pleases - I didn't actually ask her to lend me any but she was aware of my situation. These were her decisions to make and I respect that. But I still feel hurt. That ultimately she just didn't care- she didn't phone to see how we were doing , didn't come down or offer any help. But is it unreasonable to think that she might? I think I felt particularly hurt when I saw she was posting on social media asking for people to help a student who lived in her city but was isolating etc.
Anyway after much thought and tears I decided that I would be best forgetting about the relationship and going NC. She has caused and allowed others to cause me significant harm, especially when I was a child, and I need to protect myself. When growing up I questioned whether she loved me , after speaking to therapists etc concluded that she couldn't possibly but then over the years I began to question myself.
After the funeral and giving her some of my. fathers belongings (as per his instructions) I wrote to her and went NC. It did feel good to feel free of her for a few months but unfortunately she has taken to calling my fathers family to say how. much she loves and misses me etc.They don't know all the details about what has gone on between us (and I wouldn't want to upset them by telling them) but it is making me not want to speak to them. I have asked her not to contact them and asked them please not to raise it but yet it continues...
I wondered if anyone else had been through anything similar and if so how you handled it? I dont want to become estranged from my fathers family but I am struggling enough with his death without these additional pressure. Thank you.