How to rebuild after an abusive relationship?

[TeddyIsaHe]

I’m still coming to terms with the fact I am not evil, useless, nasty, insane, need counselling, flirt with everyone, am fat and lazy.

I honestly didn’t realise it was happening until I got out. I feel completely blindsided that a) he WAS being abusive and b) that I thought it was ok. It was just who he was.

He used to ignore me for days if I didn’t have sex with him. I woke up on numerous times with him pushing himself inside me and I pretended to like it because I didn’t want the backlash.

I lived in a constant state of worry because if I did or said the wrong thing he would withdraw all affection for days. He constantly accused me of sleeping with other people, I was only allowed to be in touch with a few of my friends.

He only hit me once, after I joked with him. It was so hard I almost blacked out and lost hearing in my ear. He apologised instantly so I thought it was a mistake.

He was incredibly aggressive during sex - choking me, spitting on my face, slapping me so hard it made my head spin. I just thought he liked it.

He never cared about me or my emotions and needs. I lived solely to provide for him. But he was sweet sometimes so I thought it was enough.

My head is all over the place. I can’t believe I allowed this to happen, and that I didn’t realise sooner. I feel empty. I don’t miss him and never want to see him again, but he’s left me feeling like I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Just going to bump this because I’m feeling so low atm.

Didn’t want to read and run, I can’t give much advice on leaving someone abusive but I will say are incredibly brave and strong to have got yourself out of such an awful situation with an awful person. How they treated you is nothing to do with you, it’s a reflection of their disgusting self. It will take time, but you sound like you do know deep down none of this was your fault. I would definitely recommend counselling and rebuilding your self esteem. You will get there, be kind to yourself and give yourself time

hey don't feel low, you are the winner :-)

be kind to yourself, treat yourself, invest in yourself.... its all about you now so take the time to learn to love yourself again.

make a decision "i am going to be happy" and make that your goal... its easy, just do whatever makes you happy. that might be going for a walk, painting the lounge, spending all your money on a fancy xmas tree.... do it... life is worth living but you have to be the one to make it worthwhile.

of course none of it was your fault - he sounds like a complete freak and should be locked up.