I know this will sound outrageous to many. But I'll try and explain. I fully planned to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. We are not married but have 8 years of history and two children. I met him in my early twenties and he was a breath of fresh air after immature boyfriends.
Since our second child was born 3 years ago we've had sex four times. Not at all in the last 15 months. We don't kiss. He occasionally tries to peck me on the lips but he doesn't feel like a lover anymore. He's been sleeping on the sofa forever now.
He's been really dull this year. Obsessed with conspiracy theories. To the point I had to tell him to shut up about them as he was predicting we'd all die in 2030 and our kids will also die. He believes that the twin towers never happened. He believes the queen's a reptile. He believes certain celebrities are in this cult and I have no energy to talk to him anymore. I couldn't even say about donating to the Poppy appeal the other day without him saying the government are to blame for this and that. I snapped at him oh well let's not think of the men that go into that lifestyle then. He also has a hatred of the word like. So any songs that have the word like in I have to turn it off.
He's also very heavy in general. Always tired and things. Moan moan moan. Doesn't make me laugh. Won't just get things done. Im Always the one who says right the hedge needs a cut etc. He also doesn't have any visions for our home and garden. I hate that I don't have someone who wants to do these things.
For a year now I've felt like he's a friend. A great dad. But not a lover and not someone I like being around. We are in seperate parts of the house all the time.
So now is the part where you will all think I'm a disgrace.
I'm having an emotional affair. It's crept up over time. I've had awful anxiety all year and since talking to this man my panic had gone. No anxiety attacks. No headaches. No down days. I know him face to face to speak too and it's just sort of become an online phone thing. He talks to me and checks up on me all the time. He isn't after sex. He sends me videos of his work. He asks after my kids. We talk for hours about our pasts. He's a dad too but his are older. He seems to really care about me. As I do him.
I know these situations are frowned upon. But the only reason I'm still in this relationship is my children. Financially I can't leave yet.
I need to sort things. Not for this new man. But for my future. So I've kind of thought today that I'll get Christmas out the way. Then in January I will have the talk that I want to just be friends. In the meantime i will probably continue to chat to this man but won't be having any physical contact with him. I just like him as a really close friend right now and I need him! Yes I also have feelings for him but I can control that side of it. My main issue is he's made me realise I need to live again and sort things.
But when I look at what all this means I think am I being selfish? Am I supposed to stay in this situation because I have kids? Do I have to settle for a relationship that I no longer have any common ground in anymore? What about family and friends? They will be so shocked and angry at me
They won't understand. Because on the outside we look happy. I don't tell them what it's like. I don't tell them about his obsessions.
What do you think?
I'm putting my hands up that I'm in contact with someone else but I don't take these things lightly. I want a happy positive life for my children and myself. I just don't think it's with their dad.