Need advice on sex after having a child please...

[Shortblondemum]

I know this is a private topic but I desperately need advice please. I’ve been to my GP who set me on a 6 week therapy course that didn’t address my worries and problem and caused more damage to my self esteem!
I had my gorgeous boy almost 18 months ago. My libido left on extended vacation when I got pregnant and I’m afraid it may have decided to emigrate permanently. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and we communicate and have talked about this at length but he is frustrated (to be understood) and has stopped talking about it now. I am just not interested and the one time we tried I hated it. I felt like I was doing it through gritted teeth. It’s not a problem with my husband, I’m not interested in any sexual activity. I don’t even like kissing. I’ve read a lot but this doesn’t seem to be a subject discussed at length and I have no idea if this is something that should have passed by now. I know hormones can make a mum concentrate on their baby but these must have dissipated by now!?
Can anyone give me some advice please? I don’t want to damage my marriage but I don’t want to have sex simply to make my husband happy and end up resenting him. Stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea....

Try and give him a blow job once a week to keep him happy you don’t want him straying

Thank you MummyOfZog, I think you’re right, I do feel hijacked physically and I still don’t feel that I have control back. It’s been a tough year both on a personal and a professional level and I know that doesn’t help. I am not breastfeeding, I want able to, which didn’t help with guilt and stress levels, and I don’t use hormonal contraceptives which is why I’ve been so concerned about how long this is going on for! I’ve tried taking supplements, exercises, meditation etc, whilst looking after my son, Husband, house, work etc.
I’ve been concerned but very recently my husband has refused to discuss the subject because he says that it isn’t solving anything. I fell terrible that I’m hurting him!
I am SO truly grateful to all of you for your honesty, openness and support. Thank you

@Skyla2005

Try and give him a blow job once a week to keep him happy you don’t want him straying

I really hope that's a sarcastic dig at the "keep your man happy" croud...

It took me about a year to start caring about sex again after giving birth. Not until I stopped breastfeeding and my periods started again. But it came back with a vengeance.

Unfortunately, it did contribute to the end of our marriage because my husband had zero interest in me at all during that year. At the time, I didn't mind because it was convenient. But afterwards I felt really hurt that he didn't even try.

Obviously it's different for him than it is for you because he didn't have any hormones affecting him. But I would recommend staying close as much as you can to just make sure when you are feeling in the mood again that a big distance hasn't opened between you.

I couldn't go back to seeing my husband as sexual again after what happened to me and I wish I'd done more to keep things alive in that romantic/sexual way. It's hard to go back to lovers after being parents.

I suppose it's biological to make sure you don't get pregnant again too quickly and your body can recover. So what you are feeling isn't wrong. It's just negotiating it.

Are you on any medication?

my husband has refused to discuss the subject because he says that it isn’t solving anything. I fell terrible that I’m hurting him!
Eh? He's refusing to discuss it, but you feel terrible that you are hurting him?

looking after my son, Husband, house, work etc
Could you be totally knackered? Depressed?

It's worrying that your DH now refuses to discuss the subject. Sexual problems, like other problems, don't solve themselves, you need to discuss them and come up with agreed solutions. Otherwise they will fester and potentially become more serious.

As others have said, you need to create the time and circumstances that will enable both of you to relax and reconnect - get a babysitter, go to a hotel, have a date night etc etc - these are essential to keeping an LTR on track. We (30 year relationship) used to go to a hotel "for a break" every few months while our DC were young. Just one night usually, and we soon acknowledged that "for a break" really meant for a nice dinner and a good shag or three. These breaks were invaluable in keeping the spark alive and we look back on them fondly now when the DC are long since grown up.

You should have separated. You're leading him on...

How is she leading him on?

Why did you resurrect a thread from 2020?