Have your cheating suspicions ever been wrong?

[Tangled789]

Just that really. I'm looking for the untold stories of those who really thought something was up with a possibly unfaithful DP when in fact there was a reasonable explanation/simple misunderstanding. What caused you to suspect the worst and how did you come to realise it wasn't the worst after all?

Asking because I suspect that by the time a lot of people end up posting here on this topic it's because they are on to something. So inevitably lots of the cheating "red flags" threads culminate in the OP finding cheating. This obviously gives the impression that 'x number of red flags = cheating'. Is there a certain confirmation bias element to taking lessons from these stories? Maybe I'm being daft but I'm wondering if there are similar 'hidden' stories of suspicion/red flags that did not end up that way, that we don't read about as often but that would be useful to know about anyway.

I've often wondered the same, I guess ome of those that think there's something going on, that then go on to find they were wrong, don't generally come back to update. I will be watching with interest!

I think a lot of people. There is a lot of jealous insecure folks out there who just talking or being friendly to a member of the opposite sex indicates you may be cheating or wishing to.

I never understand folks who say trust your instinct. That’s all well ans good when you’re well balanced but if you’re extremely jealous and insecure it’s likely the last thing you should do.

I was convinced for a while that DH was going to leave me for his ex. I thought whenever he did the drop off he seemed to take too long and came back in a really weird mood. It got to the point that I actually followed him once as I was so convinced (not proud). I saw him knock on the door, hug kids goodbye, ex didn’t even seem to come to the door and talk to him. Then he just sat in his car for 20 minutes and sobbed.

This was 2 years after his wife left and it just broke his heart whenever he went back to the family home, saw his ex and lost his kids for a few days. I told him I’d followed him and ended up convincing him to go for counselling which helped hugely.

We actually split up about a year ago now but if I hadn’t followed him I would have probably left as I was so convinced he was cheating. We ended up having 2 kids and 10 very happy years together so it’s all ok really.

I don't think I've ever been convinced that someone I'm with has been cheating on me. That's not to say I haven't had normal insecurities. However I think I've normally been right when I've sensed that they aren't that into me for whatever reason.

My friend thought her husband was cheating on her with another woman. She was wrong.

He was cheating with another man.

Well no. In both cases I didnt see it coming.

I had no idea.

I think aswell that its hard to prove something isn't going on unless its a misunderstanding.

Dh accused me of having an affair- his reasons -i had lost weight, bought new clothes and went out more.
He was wrong.
I had a new job which involved more activity which meant i lost the excess weight i had been carrying since being pregnant, i bought new clothes as my old ones no longer fitted, i went out more with my girlfriends as i felt happier and better in myself .

No, but had I posted on here I'd have been told I was insecure and suspicious and that it was perfectly ok for a man to have a female friend and to have hobbies that I wasn't included in.

My gut instinct about my ex proved correct. He was indeed cheating on me.

However, this same ex had a gut feeling that I was cheating on him and accused me of meeting other men- this was completely untrue. Maybe it was his guilt that made him think that of me though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway, I agree with Bluntness. Gut instincts are great if you're a level headed person. However, if you're someone who is naturally distrustful of partners and generally a jealous person then I wouldn't say that gut instinct counts for much at all.

@blobson, he was projecting his guilt onto you.

I remember a thread on here a while back, my memory might be slightly off but the gist was:

Posted had bought her husband a shirt, the shirt then seemingly arrived to the house in the post newly washed with a note something like "thanks Honey_xx"
Most people said he was clearly cheating, she eventually asked him about the shirt and he said he liked it so much he bought an identical one from ebay.
Lot of people called bullshit, but the poster got onto eBay and confirmed his story checked out, turned out Honey_xx was the sellers name on ebay.

What surprised me was how many people were still saying things like "no, your suspicions were right, he's cheating - you need to look harder" when the original poster was completely satisfied it was innocent and said she'd never doubted him before!

Just looked up Honey_xx's listings and have to say hey are very fine shirts.

Yes. My H was acting suspicious with his phone. It was mentioned a couple of times. One evening a message popped up, more cute than anything else, well it was the straw that broke my mental camel's back. I went loopy-loo.

Best thing I ever did.

Opened up discussions on both sides. More a cleanse and purge.

Everyone has a more healthier and happier relationship with their phone. Re-established our commitment. Everything is better than before.

Nope. Gut feeling was right all along

I’ve seen many MANY threads on MN that go like this.

OP says her DH is leaving her because he’s unhappy / depressed / having a midlife crisis.

Posters suggest there’s probably OW.

OP replies that’s impossible because he’s always at work or the gym or football training / he hates cheaters / he’d never do that because his dad did it to his mum / he’s not like that / he doesn’t like blondes/ brunettes / they have a great sex life / whatever.

OP says her husband has moved in a woman who is a good friend / a woman he coincidentally met on tinder last week. However she is DEFINITELY not OW.

MN remains skeptical.

OP comes back to say she’s just discovered that her husband has been seeing this woman for a year .

@Sideorderofchips

Nope. Gut feeling was right all along

yep, same here, gut feeling was right.

I think it's possible to have incorrect suspicions if the relationship in general is in trouble or you as a person are not in a healthy place mental health wise, but this is a concept that is pushed on women constatly to get them to stay in relationships that aren't serving them and I think it is refreshing to see mn unapolegetically tell women to listen to their own heads and guts when it comes to their husband's behaviour.

I think it's like court. Very rarely will a jury be presented with concrete evidence where the just return in less than an hour and are unanimous in their decision. You also hear the judge comment that they came to the right decision.

In reality most cases are more unclear. As a jury member, on the balance of probabilities you may think guilty but you will never know. There was a programmer on C4 a couple of years back which had a pretend murder and then you followed the court case. If I was in the jury I would have said he was not-guilty but in reality he was guilty. I felt shocked and ashamed.

I believe you can be wrong, and more often that we care to admit