Moody partner

[MonkeyBeard]

How do people deal with their moody partners?

DP has always been a bit of a moody bugger, but I don't think I realised how moody until DS arrived seven months ago. I also didn't realise how much I just ignored him until DS made it trickier to just go off and do my own thing.

Last night I was meant to do an online class, replacing the evening out of the house I used to have once a week before lockdown. I couldn't go because DP didn't get home in time, and when he then went to go in the shed and smoke (this can take him 30-45) 10 minutes before bath time I asked him to hurry up please. He then refused to go for a cigarette, stropped off with DS to bath him and put him to bed. I did cry and told him I'd just been really looking forward to a break. DS had cried all afternoon and I'd explained this to DP when he came in.

He's still in a mood with me this morning. I'm so upset. I really don't want another weekend of this. He'll randomly take to his bed in a mood and just check out too. I wanted to go out for the day for a break on my own last weekend and he said he had DIY to do that he hasn't even started. DS is starting to get upset when one of us is upset and I don't want him to think this is okay and feel like this when he's older.

DP agrees he's probably depressed, but refuses to speak to a GP or counsellor. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.

He has to see the GP and take medication and get some online counselling. I speak from experience when I tell you that you can’t pull him out of a mood either by chilling, threatening or promising. In normal times I would say don’t waste your time. Ignore him and get on with your own life till he comes out of ‘his cave’.
However these are not normal times and you have a baby to look after and your son needs both of you.
You could try contacting the GP and asking them to call your husband for a routine check up. Ive done that before for my father and DH.

The first thing to say is that you don’t have to put up with this.
You have a child together and he should do his bit.
Did he deliberately not get back in time for your class so that you couldn’t do it ? It seems to me that he is saying/doing anything not to have to have the baby. What do you think ?
What does he smoke that takes 30-45 ?
If he has a mental health issue then he owes it to you and your child to seek medical help and sort it out. if he doesn’t then you should consider if this is an appropriate home for you and your child.
Can I ask if you work ?
Do you rent or own ? If you own are you on the deeds ?
Do you have joint or independent bank accounts ?

What FippertyGibbett wrote.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what is he learning here?.

This relationship is well and truly over really because of the abuse he is and continues to mete out. You're likely also walking on eggshells around this individual and or have become hypervigilant waiting for the next outburst.

This treatment of you and your DS from him is really another form of emotional abuse. He is not angry or moody because he is depressed, he is depressed because he is at heart an abusive individual. Note too he does not want to speak to either a GP or counsellor; these types never do. Its always their partner's fault, never anyone else's either.

Plan your exit from this with due care and attention. If you can go to Boots (they are still open) use their consultation room to gain access to Womens Aid. Have a read too at the sticky thread at the top of these Relationships pages.