Sleeping on the sofa

[MsHedgehog]

I’ve been with DH for 4 years, married for just under two month. I’m also 20+1 so emotional atm.

We had a massive fight tonight. We have very different views on racism and how it should be approached and responded to (I’m an ethnic minority, he’s white, so our views are very different). He said something earlier on which I didn’t like and it escalated from there and evolves”d into a massive argument. It was bad, possibly one of the worst we’ve had.

He went to bed a couple of hours ago and I’ve stayed up. I want to sleep on the sofa because he’s really upset me, but I don’t know if I’m trying to make a point or I genuinely don’t want to sleep with him tonight. This would be the first time either of us has slept in a different room after an argument and I don’t want to make sleeping on the sofa a thing...but I’m so mad and upset at him I don’t want to sleep next to him!

What are your thoughts on sleeping on the sofa after a fight...a dangerous slippery slope or sometimes needed?

I think the sofa is fine but the important thing is what was the argument about? Does he think racism is ok?

Hi op i have slept on the sofa after an argument so has my partner . It's not nice and you always end up having a crap sleep . Although men will always say they has the best sleep 😂. Weather it's a slippery slope depends on what the argument is about . If you were in the wrong then Apologise and if he was then he needs to. If it did carry on tho I would just say that things need to be sorted out and very fast . If it is the sleeping on the sofa that is worrying you the most I would just forget about it because like I said everyone has a few sofa nights . I hope your ok op x

Sleeping on the sofa is neither here nor there, everyone needs space sometimes.

The bigger issue is what was the argument about and was it actually resolvable.

Yes it depends on what the issue is because that seems to be the problem here.

I think it’s a slippery slope. By making a point as you say you’re driving a wedge between you and looking back this will be the starting point of the trouble. Never go to bed on an argument is the best counsel ever. I bet your argument seemed over something huge at the time but in retrospect it will be some tiny difference of opinion soon forgotten. What you will remember is the sofa

This is why I always try to make sure any arguments are resolved and apologies given or accepted before going to sleep.

Otherwise
a) one or both of you spend the night churning it over in your head, and
b) it festers on and eventually becomes a sore one or both of you keep picking at, which is ultimately the death knell for a relationship.

You need to get to the crux of the matter and resolve the problem. More nights on the sofa only prolongs the issue. Racial arguments need addressing, you clearly can't change who you are and need to be universally and completely accepted in your relationship. If he has a dig or a wider swipe at society with regard to race then naturally it will feel very personal to you! He has to grasp and understand this or there's little point in continuing.

Yes it is the slippery slope. Don't go to bed angry.