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Original poster

Tracking me or paranoid

54 replies

Lorelai101 · 19/11/2020 05:43

How would someone track my location from my phone without me knowing? Would there not need to be an app on my phone or something? How would I check? Also could it still work if location was turned off on my phone?

My partner knew where I was when I hadn't told him and I can't think how else he would know. I was at the hospital which I think is the only reason he 'blew his cover' because he was worried I guess and wanted to know what was going on.

He wont tell me how he knew I was there. I have told him to F off and I'm not prepared to speak to him until he tells me. If it's an innocent reason then why wouldn't he just say?

If he is tracking me I really don't understand why. We are kind of having a break right now (we don't live together) But even so, I don't really have much of a life outside being a Mum and he knows this. I very rarely have a night out etc unless it's with him and obviously I'm not going anywhere right now in lockdown.
I don't understand why he would have such trust issues to go and do that. Its really freaked me out :(

OP posts:
Isthisnothing · 19/11/2020 12:31

Why did he install YOUR car's location on HIS phone?

You are on a break so things are obviously not good. Did you initiate the break? Why?

Pyewhacket · 19/11/2020 12:31

I should think there are quite a few on here who could advise you all about mobile tracking apps.

TwentyViginti · 19/11/2020 12:35

Why did he install YOUR car's location on HIS phone?

I think we know why.

RED FLAG, OP.

VettiyaIruken · 19/11/2020 12:39

You're surely not going to remain in the relationship after this rather alarming discovery?

VettiyaIruken · 19/11/2020 12:39

He didn't want to tell you because he didn't want to lose the ability to track you!

Dontletitbeyou · 19/11/2020 12:40

Aww so he’s stalking you . Not good , time to make that break a permanent one .

hummusandpitta · 19/11/2020 12:46

I would definitely check where you are logged in on Google, change passwords etc to something he cannot guess easily.

Your Google account will track everywhere you have been Sad

altforvarmt · 19/11/2020 12:50

Do you have the app for your car on your own phone? Change the password.

In your shoes, given that you bought the car recently, I'd contact the car dealer and ask for help in ensuring that your car's details are no longer accessible by your partner.

TwentyViginti · 19/11/2020 12:52

@VettiyaIruken

He didn't want to tell you because he didn't want to lose the ability to track you!
Exactly!

Scary.

Zoolally · 19/11/2020 13:03

Time to make your break permanent op

3rdNamechange · 19/11/2020 13:05

This happened to a friend of mine. It was in her car. She made up a story that her phone company had contacted her about a problem with her phone and he admitted it.

3rdNamechange · 19/11/2020 13:07

@MissSmiley

Why were you at the hospital?
???
Original poster
Lorelai101 · 19/11/2020 14:10

Yes, he is being a prick. I've told him to delete it and made it clear it's not ok. I need to look into it all properly and install it on my phone. But now he has the argument that I don't tell him things!
I would have told him what was going on after, but at the time I didn't want him there. I text him and said I was fine, it wasn't me being hospitalised, so he didn't need to worry. And he's all like 'you're not fine if your childs in hospital'. Making out I'm trying to hide my feelings from him. He just wanted to be there to be the hero with me the poor victim crying on his shoulder, trying to make out I need him and he's there to take care of me and now acting like I'm pushing him away & not letting him in.
I really do have such a boring life and my car journeys consist of going to the supermarket and taking kids to their activities. I have nothing to hide. At all. So I just don't get why he's been doing it. He's the one who went running back to his ex when we had an argument!! I have never done anything to make him doubt what I'm doing or who I'm with.

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 19/11/2020 14:14

He's doing it because he is controlling.
He feels he has the right to track you.
Also, people up to no good are usually the least trusting, which fits with your comm my about him running to his ex.

Are you thinking you'll get back together with him?

GreenTiles22 · 19/11/2020 14:35

Please make the break a permanent break. He sounds awful.

You have a right to a private life, absolutely no obligation to tell him anything. That's not the same as 'having nothing to hide'...... you don't have to allow him to know your movements all the time! Everyone is entitled to their privacy.

And he went back to his ex?! Then let him stay there.

Massive red flags.

QuentinWinters · 19/11/2020 14:42
Hmm I'm not sure it is the car, I think he's been trying to think of a plausible way he could know. There are apps that can go on your phone and then hide themselves, if he can access your handset he can put them on. Once there even a factory reset doesn't necessarily get rid of them Sad In any case he is tracking your movements which is a huge and totally unjustified breach of privacy. If he has an app on your phone he may also be reading messages.

Get rid. There is no justification for this, its abusive and indicates he doesn't respect your right to privacy.

Original poster
Lorelai101 · 19/11/2020 16:00

He says that he gets that he crossed the line but he's trying to spin it like he does it because he cares and he's looking out for me. I dont know what the fuck situation he thinks I'd get into that would require him to know my location at any given point. But I dont think that it's coming from a malicious place. I know he wants to feel in control but he doesn't seem to get boundaries and that it is a complete breach of my privacy. He knows I'm angry with him but he doesn't seem to think it's that big of a deal and then I wonder maybe if I am overreacting.
I'm so sad right now. Things between us start getting better and then he does something like this.

OP posts:
QuentinWinters · 19/11/2020 16:03

You aren't overreacting. He is showing that he doesn't see you as a human with their own rights, who can look after themselves. He doesn't respect your boundaries. Its very bad stuff I'm afraid, and I'm sure he does feel like he's "looking out for you", but he isn't, he's being controlling

ErickBroch · 19/11/2020 16:49

I would honestly report him to the police for stalking and ask for support - they can sometimes send a letter or show up to scare him out of it.

Original poster
Lorelai101 · 19/11/2020 18:53

I struggle to tell sometimes if it's controlling or caring with him. Because I haven't been treated that way before I think it's a bit controlling but then I think well no actually, isn't he just trying to do something nice?
But this I know was obviously about control and keeping track of me. But in his world it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
I have been speaking to a therapist (ironically paid for by him) so I will bring all this up.

OP posts:
ZolaGrey · 19/11/2020 18:56

We have a tracker on our campervan that's really well hidden, but didn't take long to install. If you don't think he's had time with your phone to install something and you can't find anything then I'd go with car.

You might be able to go to a garage and get them to check it over.

WindblowingSW · 19/11/2020 19:05

Turn off the app from the car. Turn off location on your phone. Change your email and log out of everything. Wipe your phone. Put everything mack on mob numbers etc by hand. Report him for stalking and dump him.

DPotter · 19/11/2020 19:08

His actions may or may not be malicious in his eyes, but they are entitled and they are controlling and they have most definitely crossed a line. His actions have made you angry and quite rightly so. If he can't see this, really see and understand this, then he is not the man for you.

Time to step away permanently I think

Lewisb139 · 19/11/2020 19:11

I'm a private investigator, and one of the ways we track our "subjects" is by placing a tracker on to their vehicle, it would be located on the underside somewhere, or inside the vehicle if it is a small one but would need to have a view of the sky for the GPS to work. Another way of tracking is if he has find my phone on his phone and is paired with your phone. If he had an app on your phone then you would never know unless you noticed your phone missing for a short period of time, to get rid of any of those apps then you'd need to reboot your phone as it runs in the background and is invisible. These are intrusive means of surveillance and are illegal without having a reason to do so. The legal means is the vehicle tracker fitted to the outside of the vehicle and it would have to be placed into the vehicle whilst on public property. The other possibility is if there is a listening device in your house which could be hidden anywhere and disguised as anything.

RandomMess · 19/11/2020 19:24

So your on a break and he was checking up on you often enough to know you were at the hospital...

I'm married I never check up on where my DH is, or my DC!!