Advice/tips on how to move on when still Inlove ?

[Lora88]

Ive posted a few times about the ending of my 11 year relationship back in July , for anyone who hasn’t read the background I left him (well I made him leave) back in July after finding messages to escorts on his phone , seems to be a habit he’d got in to doing every time he’d had a drink.
It’s honestly been the shock of my life I love him so much we have built a life together and have 3 children and after So much back and forth decision making as to wether I can get past it I just no I can’t , he’s obviously begging for another chance , says he never met them etc etc but I just no wether he did or not I’ll never trust him. So how do you get over someone you still love ? I think lockdown and having 3 children makes it so much harder I’m currently on furlough and my mind has too much spare time to miss him even though I have 3 small children! Any tips ? X

The best way to get over a man is to get under another? A bit crass but what it really means is move on with your life. Distract yourself in some way. Keep reminding yourself of all the bad times and how much happier you will be in the future without all the worry of him.
Keep any discussions to strictly about the kids. Stay strong.

Aw OP I wish I had the magic wand. I had a particularly painful breakup once. I used to wake up crying. I thought I’d never be right. It just took so much time to be honest. I messed up by telling no-one what happened because I thought everything was my fault. I was in my early 20s. If I had spoken to people it might have made it easier.

I don't have an answer for you, but wanted to chip in with a hand hold. I'm going through a breakup too (infidelity) and I'm in the shock phase too. Lockdown makes it harder, just wanted to offer a little hug as you're not alone.

Write down all the ways in which he has hurt you. Whenever you start to feel nostalgic and weak, remind yourself. Sometimes anger can be healthy. Focus on daily positives, e.g. DC having a laugh on the swings at the park NOT thinking "I wish H could have been with us at the park."

You need time to grieve for the relationship (its past and the loss of the future you thought you had). It will take time and recovery will not be linear, so treat yourself very kindly.

I am so sorry you're going through this OP, massive hugs . I'm not able to give great advice but I think maybe having time to think can also be a good thing? Obviously it's horrible having to constantly feel upset, but that way you can get everything out your system. Maybe look into finding someone you can speak to like a counsellor? Wishing you all the best x

I second the counsellor recommendation. I didn’t see a counsellor when I was in the horrors with it and hadn’t a clue what self-care. Gawd I look back & realise how horrifically painful it was. I’m recently separated and it’s not as bad as that was because I’ve been seeing a therapist and processing the emotion. Lots of love OP.

The best way to get over a man is to get under another?

works for me, I know meeting anyone is not an option is your in lockdown but you could try online dating just to talk to other men.

Throw yourself into a new hobby, career, start a side business. I know you have 3 children so I expect your time is limited but it will get easier.

Tbh I don’t think another man is the answer. I don’t think you can mend your heart on someone else’s watch. I did it twice — both times catastrophic. There is just no shortcut in my opinion. All you can do is seek therapy, breathe, practice self-care & stay reasonably busy.

Personally?
A good dose of therapy (I don't really rate counselling) as really you should fucking hate him rather than be still in love for what he's put you through.
Then, yes, get under another man - it's the only way I've moved on from my ex's.
It doesn't have to be anything serious (in fact I would advise just keep it fun) but a really great distraction. Your ex can look after the children while you bubble up!