Can anyone relate after a long relationship?

[trojpi]

I was with my ex for 20 years, and have been single for 3 years now after he suddenly left me. I have no idea why he left because he didn't give me a reason, Just said he was leaving me, then left. He was the only person I have ever slept with.

I met someone in Feb, I'm 40, He's 49, no kids, single, ticks all the right boxes etc. We went out a few times before covid hit and since we have been talking on the phone, on whatsapp and meeting up for walks etc.

The problem: Me. I have been pushing him away lately and at first I had no idea why I was doing it as he is lovely and would be everything I am looking for in a guy. I'm terrified to let myself fall for him because I'm scared he is just going to leave me when he is done with me like ex did, and also, I'm scared to sleep with him, After only being with one person for so long I obviously got used to what he liked and didn't like and this guy is a different person and its all new, I think I'm scared of getting that close to someone again.

I decided to speak to him about it all and he said there is no pressure on his end, he is happy enough getting to know me, spending time together, He also said that the sex side of things will happen when it happens and he is happy to wait until I am ready.

How do I get over what happened and learn to trust somebody new? I really like this guy and don't want to mess it up..

He sounds like he is willing to give you all the time that you need to take it slowly . Look at it this way - do you want to be a 'victim' of your ex for the rest of your life ? Are you going to be alone forever ? I have friends like this - confined by the past and bitter - or are you willing to strike out and try to have a new life ? It takes time to trust and you will know whether you feel it or not . You could try some counselling as it did help me to think about the way ahead . I didn't want to be one of those bitter women harping on about wanting the man they married. There are good ones out there .

Unless someone fears for their life or is afraid of a torrent of abusive, no one should leave their partner like that without giving them warning they're not happy or telling them why. It's despicable.

I would say that scenario isn't extremely rare, but I wouldn't say it's commonplace. Most relationship end when both parties have known for quite some time that something wasn't right, and they know why the relationship is ending too. Most likely that will be your next experience too if it doesn't work out. I don't think you'll get that sudden upheaval again.

I'm so sorry that you were left with no explanation.

This new man sounds great so far, applying no pressure. Please try to take it a day at a time. It's highly unlikely that another man will be the same as the last. Try to enjoy your life and time with this new person. When it comes to the sex, when you are ready, it's meant to be an expression of love/passion and you will each learn what the other likes. He will be learning too! It's so exciting falling in love (if that's what's happening). Good luck to you both.