Is this a red flag?

[Claire926]

I was told by a man that he cannot show empathy and he made it worse by saying "only women can show empathy". I thought that was sexist and I know some men who are great at showing empathy and some women who do not. Could it be a sign of emotional unavailability? I don't want to date a man who whenever I want to confide in about a difficulty just lacks any emotion verbally or through body language and I get no acknowledgement.

That's a red flag in my book 🚩

Yeah run

Empathy is not a solely female trait

Well it’s not the best flag, is it?

He’s telling you who he is. Listen.

Think about it - do you want to be with a guy who has zero emotional intelligence and has no interest in meeting your emotional needs? It's not a sign, he has literally told you this. Listen to what he said and believe it.

Run away very quickly

More flags than a Communist Party convention.

You've stated you don't want a relationship with someone who has no empathy. Is that not enough of an answer ?

🚩

ExH has no empathy, I’ll give you an example of what to expect
I was in immense pain and discomfort after DS was born, he had no sympathy almost to the point of not believing how much pain I was in and instead was concerned about the effect on him
He had a very short relationship a few months ago, lovely lady.... she was having an issue and naturally relied on him for a bit of emotional support. He’s reaction was to whinge and look at it as a reason to dump her
So yeah.... red flag imo

He has no empathy because there's something wrong with his brain. To excuse his deficiency, he blames his sex.

Anybody who makes sweeping assertions about an entire group of people; "only men/women" or "all men/women", are displaying their inability to pay attention to and understand others at all.

Yes, it’s obviously a huge red flag. He doesn’t sound like someone who is likely to make you very happy.

Thanks for your replies. It got me thinking. It is probably why his relationships have never worked out. I forgot that he even said to me he can get controlling as he always told his previous partners what to do with their careers and tried to mould them to suit him. He even helped the one set her own business up when she did not want to. The funny thing is he cannot commit to jobs and courses and drops out. It's like the women have to compensate for his failures.

I will not be dating him. Even as a 'friend' I would not allow him to dictate to me what I should do with my career as he is not wise and I have a lot of knowledge in my field. All the signs of some kind of narcissistic personality disorder are there, including coercion and manipulation and full control of the relationship as he lacks control in his own life. He sounds like a potential abuser.

At least he's an honest abuser 😂

Yes OP a very big, ruby red flag! 🚩

Well at least he is honest which is great for you so now you need to RUN from this dude as fast as you can.

My ex-H once tried to explain his lack of empathy to me. This is what he said:

"If I stick a pin in myself, it hurts. If I stick a pin in you, I don't feel it so the pain can't exist, can it?"

@Badwill.... At least he's an honest abuser

"If I stick a pin in myself, it hurts. If I stick a pin in you, I don't feel it so the pain can't exist, can it?"

Jesus

For shits and giggles, ask him,

"If there was a runaway train which is on course to kill five trapped people, and you had the chance to divert the runaway train but that would mean one person dying, what would you do?"

What do you mean 'show empathy'? You don't 'show' empathy you feel it. If you empathise with someone you share their emotion - good or bad - or have the ability to put yourself in their situation - run a simulation of what they are feeling must be like.

If, by claiming he can't 'show empathy', he means he can't let his his ('softer', more caring) feelings be seen by others and that only women can / are allowed to - then he is one repressed macho sexist puppy. I bet he has no trouble showing other (more 'manly') emotions like anger.

Red flag?
More like red tornado!
@DoWahDiddy I think he'd stand there and film a crash.

Get rid.

@TheSandman

What do you mean 'show empathy'? You don't 'show' empathy you feel it. If you empathise with someone you share their emotion - good or bad - or have the ability to put yourself in their situation - run a simulation of what they are feeling must be like.

If, by claiming he can't 'show empathy', he means he can't let his his ('softer', more caring) feelings be seen by others and that only women can / are allowed to - then he is one repressed macho sexist puppy. I bet he has no trouble showing other (more 'manly') emotions like anger.

I thought that too. Sometimes when I have expressed something quite personal which is not that often I just get no verbal response. It's like talking to a brick wall. He even said the once I seem to worry and I said I don't worry I'm just passionate about things I care about. I think this was in particular to my upset about my Grandad getting onset dementia and he went missing (lucky he was found the same day) - he did funnily enough show some empathy and sounded shocked he had gone missing - so I find he contradicts himself. I rarely confide in him so when I have done it seems like he thinks I am a burden yet I have had to hear about his MANY problems.

Red bunting rather than a flag I'd say.