Hi all.
My BF and I don't live together yet (because of complicated DC and not wanting to blend families) Been together 6 years. We are each other's support bubbles.
As in my username, he has what I perceive to be a knight in shining armour complex. There is history...
When we met, we were both married to other people. I divorced first. We had the same group of friends, so still socialised in the same group.
After I was single, he became Mr Helpful. He used to call for friendly chats, bring me hand me downs of his DS's clothes for mine who is a year younger. He is quite good at DIY and would offer to do odd jobs for me. All very innocent. No flirting. No suggestion of anything more than friendship from either side.
He later divorced himself and we got together 2 years after that.
Throughout the first couple of years, he always seemed to have a female friend or two who needed some sort of support. He would be a caring shoulder to cry on, do odd jobs, be helpful... nothing every seemed untoward. Quite often these women were married and he never hid anything. I never distrusted him.
It went wrong one time when he had a female friend who was single and, as time went on, it became apparent that she thought there was more to this than he intended. I went round to his one day and she was there having coffee with him and she looked pretty shaken to see me. I told him them that it was dodgy and he needed to be careful that she wasn't getting the wrong idea.
One day he told me he had offered to take her out dancing one evening as she was lonely and wasn't dating anyone. I said that was a massive boundary cross and explained how that would look to her. I was livid he was asking another woman out on a date, but he said it was rubbish and she knew the score. He wanted her to have some company and a nice night out.
I explained that a single woman getting that level of friendship and support from a man is almost always going to wonder what more there is to it. He disagreed and said it was a sad fact that I thought that way about men and their motivations.
Eventually, inevitably, maybe, she propositioned him one day and he shut it down and said he was with me. (I saw the messages. She was really angry).
She then rather rapidly disappeared off the scene (probably because of how much she must have felt lead on). He was upset that he had lost a friend because she had read him all wrong (!)
I told him he had been an idiot and he finally agreed That I had been right all along He said he would be more aware from now on and keep his boundaries with women in check.
He also pointed out that he is very similar with male friends. He is a shoulder, a support, he helps with DIY, he doesn't see the difference, but now this had happened with this woman he could see that it really isn't the same with single women friends and can be read wrongly.
No further problems since... until now...
He is working away a lot at the moment and we are catching up on FaceTime. A couple of weeks ago, he told me he had spent an hour on the counselling a junior colleague who was having a hard time. It was fairly late in the evening and not work related. Knight in shining armour again... I told him to be careful...
Then a week ago, he told me she had a work problem in the office and he had sorted it for her. Again - he's her manager, so that's to be expected (nothing to see here...honestly...he said)
Last night, he called me and told me he had been round to fix her washing machine.
I am beyond pissed off.
Firstly, it's a bloody lockdown and why is he compromising our bubble by going into her house?
Secondly, what kind of work relationship involves going to someone's home to do odd jobs?
Thirdly, she is single. He is giving her lots of attention and we have talked about this before. Whatever he thinks is and isn't going on, she will probably think he's interested.
So I have reminded him of what happened the last time and how it spoiled a friendship because his friend got the wrong idea.
Am I being totally When Harry met Sally about this? I know that men and women can have platonic friendships. I have plenty myself, but I can't help thinking that whatever his intentions are here, it must look like something else to her - and I'm not comfortable with it. It's a boundary he crossed before and it ended badly.
He says I am taking a seed and making an oak tree. He says he is doing what he would do for anyone else (which is true).
Am I massively over reacting by being unhappy about this? He is being transparent. He always is, but part of me thinks this is a form of ego boosting/plan B ing - or at least doing a show of 'what a great guy I am' to another woman.
I don't want to make a thing out of it if it's just me being pathetic and over reacting.
Any thoughts?