Worried about my Mum

[IronTusk]

First post here so hello everyone.

My parents separated two years ago, both in their late 50s. My Dad moved to an apartment, although he didn't say where, I only happened to find out by bumping into him in the street!

Anyway, it was acrimonious and my Mum was left in the family home with my brother, who was 23 at the time. The house was immediately put up for sale but my Mum pulled the plug on it and agreed, mainly at my brother's behest, to stay on the proviso that he helps towards paying the mortgage, bills etc.

Two years have gone by and nothing has ever been resolved properly. To my surprise, my Dad has never really pushed to get the house sold but things have come to a head recently as my brother now wants to move out.

All very reasonable for a 25 year old to want to do so but he wants to move into his girlfriend's Council property, for which she gets benefits. He works part-time and she doesn't have a job, and him moving in could jeopardise his gf's tenancy so all very precarious.

Anyway, it has left my Mum a bit dumbfounded as she is now worried about her situation going forward. It has been a bit of an elephant in the room as this was going to happen eventually but she's upset about it and feels as though my brother is leaving her high and dry.

I'm the eldest of the two and own my own house but I don't know whether to emphasise to my brother that he's not thinking things through properly and to at least help my Mum out for another year so she can weigh up what she can do.

My Mum earns just above minimum wage and I worry that she might struggle, emotionally and financially as the couple of years have been tough for her.

Thanks for any advice.

It’s a sad situation but it’s not up to your brother to ensure your mum can live in her house unfortunately. He was never going to live with her forever so she surely has thought about plans going forward ? Selling the house and going to somewhere she can afford alone is really the only option I’m afraid.

I don't think it's fair to guilt your DB into staying. He's a grown man.

Realistically wouldn't the best thing be to get the house sold so she has a lump sum to look to buy somewhere smaller?

Have your parents actually divorced? The financial arrangements including housing would have been agreed alongside the divorce. Is there a mortgage? Does your father pay anything?

It's not actually clear whether your DB has been helping with the bills in any great way (?)

If not, I'm not sure how he'd be leaving DM "high and dry", but in any case it's not really up to him to support her on an ongoing basis. Much better, surely, to sell the place and move onto something she could afford more easily?

They're all adults and their situation isn't anything you caused.
So TBH just drop a few neutral, calm remarks like,
"mum, if I were you I would see a solicitor and get a divorce with a proper financial settlement"
and
"Bro, I know you love your GF but it would be a good idea to check the council and benefit regulations before you move in so you can be sure it won't put her tenancy in jeopardy"
Or even
"Bro's GF, I know you love Bro but it wouldn't hurt to check the rules before he moves in, you hear so many stories about people falling foul of them and losing their tenancies"
And let them do what they want after that with a clear conscience, and be there (to a reasonable extent anyway, I'm not saying be a martyr!) if they need you.
Don't feel obliged to fix or prevent all their problems, they are adults and it's not your responsibility.