Feeling judged by sister

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

Start by saying we normally get on well. Sisters baby is 14mths and mine is 27mths old. She was on matt leave and then furlough and then lost her job off furlough this year, which I get is very difficult.
I've been lucky ish, had to go back to work when mine was 6 months old for financial reasons. I work full time in compressed hours and studying part time, work funded, linked to my profession. Not furlough at all and had to work long hours througout 2020.
My sister is very focused on her son, he goes to childcare 1 day a week but other than that with her. It isn't a bad thing but she's started being a bit snippy about how I do things.
Saying things like he shouldn't see you on the laptop or phone so much is bad and sad for them. We don't do that.
I work from home and have zero choice esp if childcare is shut.
She said you should set an office up upstairs and make room as it's bad for him. We have no spare room, so kitchen table is my only option. It just feels a bit unkind.
She says stuff like nice, council estate tea... Because I've given my son egg beans and toast as a quick tea sometimes. He normally eats a full range of foods and I found this a bit hurtful.
I do a lot normally with my son, swimming lessons, groups, walks, games, crafts etc each week.Covid has made things hard but I've really tried to keep things going.
Is this normal and how do I manage it? Or do I just ignore? It's getting me down as I do worry that I'm nto doing a good enough job with my son.

What do you say when she says these things? You need to directly address it every time if you want it to stop

I would address it with her explaining that she’s making you feel bad. I wonder if there’s an element of jealousy there or something going on behind the scenes

I just say I'm doing my best and that's way it is. But I find it hurtful as it's getting a bit more frequent. Maybe it's stress from her or me, as covid has been hard.

Tell her that her comments are rude and unnecessary
Don't just say you're doing your best

Your dsis only has her own dc to focus on, you however are juggling a busy life.
Next time she remarks on your parenting ask her how her job hunting is going.

I wouldn't say anything hurtful to her regarding jobs etc, as I know it's a difficult market at the mo.
I think I may have to be a bit firmer going forward.

Jeez! Your sister would hate my parenting skills 😅
I would speak to her directly and tell her it's hurtful to comment in that way and to please stop. She should respect that. Me and my sister both have children and they are of similar ages to you and your sister - we parent very differently and have different opinions on all things - feeding/sleep training/screen time etc. We jus let each other crack on. Parenting is hard enough without others adding in their two pence!!

Ps. I'm sure you're doing an absolutely fabulous job

“Thanks for your opinion sister, I will make decisions and parent in a way that’s right for me and my family.”

I'd be telling her that she'd been brought up better than to be so rude and judgemental, and to pull her bloody head in. Then we'd have a full on row, and I wouldn't have to worry about her nasty little barbs for quite some time to come.

I'd say, "I'm doing the best I can. Why do you feel the need to criticise me all the time?"

"Do you actually feel happy when you say stuff like that to me? I can't imagine saying something so hurtful to you."

"I was giving you the benefit of the doubt but it's happened a few times now - is there a reason you keep criticising me? It's not funny."

"When you say stuff like that it's a really horrible side of you. I don't know if you realise how badly you come across with comments like that so thought I would let you know."

She sounds like a twat OP.

I can feel how defensive you are by how you have written your post. You've nothing to be defensive about, you are doing just fine. Don't let it rile you. Nod and smile.
She's feeling insecure so she's swiping at you. Ignore.

“ well it’s hard when you dont have much help from friends and family, maybe if you take child a few days a week it would then free me up for more time to actually do those things with the child too, would Tuesday be good for you?”

See how that goes down

I'd be absolutely blunt and tell her that I am doing a full time job and studying and that you won't accept judgemental nasty remarks from her. And then I'd go on to say that if she doesn't stop it right now, she wouldn't be welcome in my house.

'Council estate tea' indeed - what patronising bullshit! You sound great and you're working for your family's future. There are lots of ways of being a good parent, hers is not the one and only.

Thank you everyone. It's hard being a mum as you don't always know if it's the right thing your doing, even if your trying your best.
I am a bit defensive tbf, as the last few months have been a bit of a slog tbf

You've got absolutely nothing to be defensive about. Neither has she. But I'm guessing she's feeling a bit defensive in light of what you are doing and achieving, and feeling a bit 'meh' about what she's doing. Or she's just a little cream puff full of superiority, and if so, isn't she a delight.

"What a fucking nasty thing to say, exactly where do you get off being so judgemental?"

She clearly doesn't give a fuck about keeping the peace so why should you?

I would try and let it go over your head. So many parents beat themselves up over things nowadays thanks to everyone else's judgy pants! My sister judges how I do things with my kids and she doesn't even have any she says things like 'oh why do you let them do that' or 'oh they would hate living with me as I wouldn't give them the choice' etc I just smile and nod lol.
Parents do more with their kids now than ever in my opinion!