I'm looking for some advice or wisdom. Part of the problem is that i don't know what i want anymore and am wondering if how i am feeling is a blip everyone goes through, almost like a moment of weakness. I feel like there must be more in life? More warmth and love from a OH and their family and just the feeling it gives you.
For context, I have been with my OH since we left school, we aren't married but have a 5 year old son together after i fell pregnant at 21. There is one thing without a doubt, I love my OH very much. Not just in a caring way but I am still in love with him. I just can't shake the feeling that he isn't the right "forever" person for me. But unsure if lockdown has made this a phase?
There have been clues to this over the past couple of years, but I have shaken it off because we are a family. However, it's got worse. He is quite traditional in a womans role in the house, which i don't mind but i have always worked, i have a really good job with a great salary, i never wanted to be consumed by being a mother. So i have never let it be that way and continued to balance running a home, working full-time, being a mother and doing courses to further my career. He doesn't stop me, but I can tell he doesn't approve and i think would rather i was a housewife at times. He isn't horrible in any way and tells me to do this - I just know him very well.
Another is marriage. He doesn't care about marriage which isn't what bothers me, because he would get married. he would essentially take it or leave it. I do want to get married, it is important to me, I just don't want the wedding. We spoke to some friends over Facetime who got married after lockdown 1.0 and the friend said he was struggling getting used to wearing a ring. My OH blurted out that he would never wear a ring and wouldn't wear anything, not even a watch or ring on a necklace. I don't think it's his not wanting to wear it that bothers me. But more the stubbornness to not even consider it, think of wearing something as it's important to me, and that it highlights another thing in life we want different.
Finally, his family. I'll keep it short as I'm rambling. They are horrible to me. Mostly when OH isn't around. They think I should be there to wipe my OH's backside essentially and they don't even hide it. They hate that I'm a worker and that I manage to juggle everything. My dad tells me they're jealous as they never worked but that's my dad 🤣
Is it possible to love someone, have a family but it not be right? Thinking maybe you deserve more? Hoping this will make sense to some of you. Wisdom is welcome! (Please don't be a d**k in your comments, I'm just confused)