This is a long story so bare with me. I told my DH of 13 years I want to separate today. He is not the man I married anymore and I’m a loveless marriage where I feel resented and unwanted.
To give it some context...5 years ago, 3 months before the birth of our 2nd DC my DH was raped by 2 men. To cope with it he emotionally distanced himself from me and used drugs and alcohol to cope. I didn’t find out about it until 6 months later when he was forced to tell me as I got thrush and he thought I had contracted herpes from him (which he got from the rape). Roll on another year and he gets very sick to the point where he nearly died. He was diagnosed with HIV. Through all of this I was there for him and our children. Last year we tried to reduce stress in our lives by moving nearer to his work and reducing our mortgage. After a particularly nasty argument at the weekend and constant drinking on his part I’ve realised things are not going to get better and I and the kids are suffering.
It’s heartbreaking as we’ve been through so much but he’s not the man I married. I know that’s not his fault but he’s flatly refused to get any counselling for the rape or the drinking.
I’m terrified of how I’m going to look after 2 children financially (he earns all the money). I’m mourning the loss of the man I loved.
Please tell me it will be alright? What can I do next to get through this?