Child maintenance and covid

[Sharpasknives]

Hi , my ex and I have always had a reasonable relationship in the past 7 years since we’d divorced . He usually has the kids every other weekend and one night in the week. They are 16and 15 .
He pays me maintaince which we worked out using the gov. Website .
Now things have been a bit different in terms of the kids as they are isolating at different times due to exposure at school . So he will end up having the 15 year old 9 days more than he should this month as he got sent home on Monday and we have said they return to the house where they came from if this happens .
So He rang yesterday and asked me for £200 to cover the extra 9 days . What do people think?
Background - girlfriend moved in last month , I can only think she is behind this as we’ve always flexed to accommodate each other’s needs .

He’s on a decent whack if he’s been assessed £710 pm for two children. He must be on 80k+ ?
In which case he’s being a bit ridiculous asking for so much back to cover 9 days.

And TBH as a father I’m always just glad to get any “extra” days over and above the standard. CMS refunds wouldn’t cross my mind unless we got back to 50:50 permanently.

I'd be tempted to write a list of all the fixed costs you have and demonstrate that £710 per month doesn't cover "their share" of

Mortgage
House insurance
Gas
Electric
Internet
Phone
Water Bill
Your life insurance
Running a car

Their uniform
School costs
Activities

And on and on and on

I have been both the parent receiving and paying maintenance!!

I guess the question is.....if he couldn't have the kids for a period of time would you ask for more money????

At the beginning of lockdown he was living alone and suggested we split the boys up so I would have one for 6 weeks, then we swapped over .all fine . He still paid me CM.
It’s a family based arrangement we have never used CMA.
If he takes them on holiday for 2 weeks he does not request paying me less .
Since June he has averaged 12 nights a month , with 7 in September and 9 in October .
I’ve always thought what goes around comes around and it won’t take him into next bracket in terms of nights .
It’s the girlfriend who’s just moved in trying it on I think

I would never ask him for additional money . What I get is fair and I can manage on it . There’s just no way he needs the money either

Perhaps just reply "why this sudden change in tune when previously we have both just run with what goes around comes around? My fixed costs don't suddenly go down because you have the boys a few more nights one months?"

I’m going to wait for him to ask for the money again before I ask why and where did you get £200 from?

Would it be better to wait until he asked again and then phone him when he is likely to be alone or catch him when he drops the boys off?

Is he in financial hardship? If the extra money spent on having the kids means he's won't be able to pay his bills then I can understand more than if he's just trying to make a point.

Are you generally flexibly with each other? If he can't have them as usual what happens? Have you been inflexible in the past when he has needed to change contact?

Surely the obvious solution is to say you will make up the time if he needs flexibility in the future.

Also please don't blame the girlfriend. Its just letting him off the hook and she's not responsible for his behaviour or funding his children.

We don’t see each other as boys can move independently between both houses. I was all upset yesterday as my mum is due a large operation on Friday to remove Bowel and stomach cancer . She’s 82. So when he was asking I just said yes yes whatever as I had other things on my mind . Only on reflection I thought what???

Kyikekoko - he lives in a 5 bedroom Detached house in a lovely village . The mortgage is almost paid off . He earns £85k us bonus . House value is over £500k. So no he’s not hard up

Write that then. Write “my mother has cancer and is due an op on Friday. You asking for that extra money seems a) a bit cheeky and b) I need to think about it more when I’m not extremely stressed. I’d appreciate a bit more generosity/kindness at this precise moment in time to be honest. I’m frankly pretty shocked considering your annual wage and the fact that I’ve had them for extra nights and not said the same to you. Maybe you should stop letting your new squeeze interfere in our personal arrangements. We’ve been perfectly amicable up until now but I’ll play hardball if that’s what you really want? Shall I go to CMS for a formal financial assessment then?

"Does he pay you extra if you have them more ? I'd ignore him."

I would truly ignore. If he pressed I would say I would keep him an extra nine days. He must be a high earner and new GF doesn't like to share. Petty.

That took ages to post so ended up cross posting!

In fact, considering what you’ve written about him maybe you should go online and get the cms assessment and see what you would actually be due?

I don’t want any more from him ! I’m happy it’s a true fair amount and don’t want to get the CMA involved .
I was really just curious if anyone else had experienced this issue . I told him he could come back here once my mum had gone into hospital but he said no he’d keep him .

I think the suggestion of annualising it is best. If it's fairly amicable then that's worth hanging onto.

I hope your mum's op goes well 🌸

Utterly pathetic of him. But if he insists, as its only one child for an extra 9 days its £710/2 = £355 / 30 = Lets say £12/ day / child, so £108. But also surely over those 9 days he would have had them 3 days anyway so more like £70. And of course deduct any extra days you have done for each child. I think after a while of this he'll probably see how ridiculous it is....

So, my kids were shielding so I didn’t have them for a while in the first lockdown. I didn’t pay more.

Then when I had them a bit more I didn’t pay less. I know there mum appreciates stability of payments so I wouldn’t mess around with it and if at te dd of the year I’ve underpaid a bit I’ll true it up (don’t know what bonuses etc I’ll get). In the past I’ve overpaid but not clawed it back.

I’m with you, I’d say stability is important so he should just tick along with the payments and perhaps check at the end of the year. Ime these things broadly balance out

*their

FFS

It averages out about 20 nights to me and 10 for him. Sept he only had them 7 nights but 12 in June July august and 10 in October .
This stretch woukd be his 9 days without them .

I’m not saying claim more but if you go on and use the website to work out how much you should be getting then you can reply saying you’ve done the online assessment and if you go through official channels then £xxxx would be his bill. So he can stop trying this on and be grateful or you can get officials involved. Tell him the choice is his. Do the assessment online first though. You need to have some information and ammunition. Right now his new GF is in his ear telling him he’s being taken for a mug by you and he pays too much. Nip this in the bud now and the way to do that is prove that he’s getting off lightly actually.

Calculate it into a daily cost and send him if he wants to be petty...or ask him to deduct the daily cost from next month's payment.

Tbh...I understand why you think his GD may have suggested it, as I see this kind of thing on the stepparents forum...where the SM says its not fair...they've been with us for xx more days.

This happened to a friend of mine. New GF. Suddenly “oh I’m reducing the payments” she tried being reasonable. She didn’t want more. She was happy with what she was getting. He would not back down. She went through CMS as he left her no choice and his payments doubled. He soon STFU.

I don't think blaming the girlfriend is helpful. The responsibility for the child's finances begins and ends with the parents. The longer we blame women for men's poor behaviour the less man will take responsibility.

Even if the new girlfriend is in his ear he should say no to her as he is the parent.