So so upset right now

[Pebbledashery]

Hi All -
If you've followed any other threads you know that I have had to flee from domestic violence from my ex partner and that he abused our daughter. It's all been documented via Police, MARAC, Social Services. Now my daughter and I are in a confidential location.
Today we had our first FHDRA hearing and it was absolutely awful. CAFCASS recommended no interim contact due to the high level of safeguarding risks. The Deputy District Judge we had today is SO awful. Ex Partner made a proposal to pay for an independent social worker to supervise contact in the interim. His Barrister was a complete and utter cow. Judge has just disregarded absolutely everything, he has had no insight into the factual evidence that there was severe violence in our relationship to the point I have had to flee. Now I have to hand over my 2 year old girl who hasn't seen him for 5 months to a stranger to hand her over to another stranger - her father.
I am beyond devastated. All I have done is try to keep her safe. His Barrister was so vindictive and said I merely didn't want father to have a relationship with his daughter, even during all the times we argued I was still bringing her to his house for contact and being present. I feel so lost and so upset in the family court system. His Barrister was so quick to ask for the same Judge again at the fact finding hearing. The Judge was completely and utterly awful and I feel like everything my daughter and I have been through is going to get discounted and not matter and this violent and abusive man is just going to get whatever the hell he wants.
I feel completely ripped apart that the Judge has GONE AGAINST CAFCASS not endorsing interim contact and that he hasn't even looked at the safeguarding risks that my ex partner has had convictions for harassing and stalking ex partners before.
How do I get past this feeling :(
I'm scared he will get 50/50 because it will devastatingly impact our lives so much. I work full time, my daughter goes to Nursery full time, he does NOT know where we live or where she goes to Nursery, there is an hour an half distance between us as we moved far to get away from him.
I just don't know how I am going to cope with all of this.

Do you have a solicitor?

And sorry this sounds like a devastating outcome.

Yes, I have a Solicitor and had a Barrister today, the Judge just sided completely with his Barrister.. It was horrific. I can't even put into words how awful he was

I feel like just giving up on the whole thing :(

Can you appeal?

No I don't think I can.
The Judge was just horrific :( he shot down my Barrister on absolutely every single thing she said - he's not even taken into account any of the violence and abuse. He's simply sided with the fact he's her father and should have contact and not even thought about what impact it will have on DD.

Oh OP that is awful. What does your solicitor say?

It's not time to give up yet though. Take some time, regroup and keep going. Get the facts evidenced.

Barrister rung me afterwards and was very very sorry for me - she said that's the first time it's ever happened Judge going against what CAFCASS have said, she said that ex p and his Barrister got what they wanted on technicalities.. but the Judge was so awful and they have asked for the same Judge for the fact finding. Ex will be having an Independent Social Worker observing contact and I am sure her reports will be relative to hearing - it's all been so cleverly construed. He's still maintaining he's the victim of abuse and I am the perpetrator and has not admitted anything at all. Barrister has said we still have the fact finding and the section 7 and that the Judge can't go against facts. Just scared he's going to get 50/50 :( the impact it will have on our lives is so massive.