Why do cheats beg to come back ? Mans perspective?

[Lora88]

Just posting somewhere about my thoughts and confusion I suppose really as I work through the very long process of wether or not I can forgive ...
I can understanding accidentally falling inlove with someone else , breaking it off with your partner leaving and not looking back. Same as I can understand why some won’t seperate because there financially tied or dependent...
But what about when your in a very long term relationship not inlove with someone else and your not financially tied or married , why cheat or seek cheating out if you claim to be so inlove with your partner and beg for them back everytime like you’ve just lost your world , what is the point ? Can a cheat really love you and be a cheat ?
Food for thought I guess , what do you all think ? Curious to here from any men on here

Totally agree category12

I completely believe both my exh and current dh loved me and people saying it can’t be love if they cheat are buying into an idea of Disney perfect love.

They loved me in the way of not wanting to leave me / being perfectly happy in our life together. But not in a putting my needs above their selfish desire for new exciting sex way.

But as you say - their love wasn’t good enough - it needed respect, honesty etc to make a good relationship.

People are complex - it’s not as simple as if you love someone you wouldn’t cheat.

These are all really helpful comments thank you , I think it’s really helped me reading the comments about how he loves me but it doesn’t come with respect etc that’s exactly what it is and where I’ve struggled because I’ve been stuck knowing he loves me but wondering why he’d do these things and what you’ve all said is exactly right his love isn’t worth having as it doesn’t come with respect or loyalty x

I loved my wife but not in a way that was in any way sexual. I just didn’t see her like that at all anymore. We hadn’t slept together for 4 years and so all that connection went. I fell for the first bit of attention that came my way.

She found out and begged me not to leave so I stayed. Nothing changed. We plodded along for another 3 years and I couldn’t take any more and left, this time with no other person involved.

I think a lot of people can love their spouse but they certainly don’t want to rip their clothes off anymore. In our case she later admitted that she had just fallen out of love with me too and the sexual feelings just died. She only begged me to stay as she was frightened and didn’t want the kids to have a broken home. We basically wasted 7 years of our lives all in all going through the motions.

An honest post trueblue and your experience is probably true for a lot of couples.
Not everyone finds everything they are looking for in a partner. When children are involved it’s far harder too. I imagine there are plenty of people who would be great together as a couple but not as parents.
They often have to make a choice between good father material and good sexual material, putting it bluntly.

I would say the majority of faithful long term relationships have to sacrifice being completely sexually fulfilled to stay together for the other positive aspects of their relationship. After time most couples won’t be having as frequent / as exciting sex as In a new relationship.

Depending on age / how important sex to them is I can see why people choose to leave for it or have affairs. But I think if you have everything else and still have some intimacy it’s potentially short sighted as any new relationship will likely go the same way over time and a person you can get on with and grow old with I personally rate as a bigger priority.

I know someone whose partner cheated and she asked him why. He was crying and through the tears said "I just want to do what I want, all the time." I think there are some men like that, that just do want a relationship plus women on the side, and because they want to do that think they should be entitled to it.