Narcissistic Ex won't leave me alone.

[PoochMumof3]

Hi Everyone,

Hopefully looking for advice of those who have been through a similar predicament.

I was dating my ex partner for 2 years however 18 months of those consisted of him leaving me twice for his ex wife and generally walking out for a days on end if we had a slight disagreement over something.

It all came to a sad end about 2 months ago when he proposed I must point out he was still married and not yet divorced from his wife that he left a year before we met. I said no and realised the relationship wasn't meant to be. I spent 18 months fighting for something that wasn't going to work.

He was absolutely very understanding and said he would always have my back and wanted to remain friends. In fact he was going to help me out with the rent for my apartment otherwise without his help I wouldn't be able to live on my own.

We discussed the fact we would both move on with other people and to not be shocked if we saw each other on the same dating sites. All was fine.

3 weeks ago I spoke and met up with someone and we really clicked. We would spend time at each other's houses as a result.

One evening I went to draw my blinds and thought I saw my ex's car outside. This confirmed my suspicions when he text me the day after to say he wouldn't be paying more rent on my apartment and blocked me off everything.
That was that. I saw It as a clean cut end so equally blocked him on everything and moved on.

He keeps emailing me being really nice and apologetic and the next (as I don't respond) really horrible upsetting emails. He's been to my Mum's house to see if I was there (CCTV picked up his car) and I've seen his car on a couple of occasions outside my apartment and in his latest email he referenced where my new partner lived....no tracker on my car (had a garage check) so not sure how he could have found out ? We don't have the same circle of friends and my family don't have anything to do with him.

He won't leave me alone and is persistent in his emails and is still stalking me.

I don't want to get the police involved as I'm starting a new job next week and don't wish for him get involved and ruin my new job.

Has anyone experienced this before? Do they eventually go away?

My new partner has been understanding and supportive but would like to take this further if he just randomly turns up.

Thanks for reading peeps....

Have you told him to stop? In writing? And if so, has he contacted you since?

Yes, only a few days ago I sent one email asking him to stop the stalking and the emails and told him to move on.
He threatened me when I mentioned stalking but I haven't responded.....I feel it's best to not feed someone who is in this mindset.

You are wise not to respond at all.

Do not hesitate to get the police involved if you are sent any further communications. You starting a new job next week is no reason not to get the police involved.

I would in any case contact the National Stalking Helpline on 0808 802 0300 as they could further advise you. Link here www.suzylamplugh.org/

What did he threaten you with?

What has your new job got to do with you going to the police? Take your safety seriously, please go to the police with this and keep a log of when he follows you or your loved ones. Don't let him pay towards your home, however much you need the money, don't give him an excuse to wrongly think you owe him somehow.

What does he 'threatened you' when you told him to stop emailing/stalking?

You should definitely contact the police about this.

Often it takes an authority figure to get them to back off. Best not to be slow to get the police involved. You have to show you are strong and not alone or afraid to ask for help. And sign of kindness or compromise is taken as weakness by his kind - and causes them to bite all the harder.

If he continues to show up or harass you, go to the police. You could also mention at your work that you are having a bit of trouble shaking an ex and just want to make them aware incase he shows up.

Hopefully he will lose interest but dont allow this to continue too long, just hoping.

I'm not sure how going to the police would impact upon your new job?

I think the police and/or the National Stalking Helpline would be the best approach.

My ex did this op and police ended up prosecuting him. No reason that your new job should be affected.

If he wants to make trouble for you at your new job, its a hell of a lot easier if they know nothing. FGS talk to the police before it escalates, and consider telling your new employer too just in case he tries to get access to your information, get on site, make up lies about you to your new boss etc.

Yes to contacting the police it could get dangerous fast.
But....you do seem to leap in very quickly. You already have a new " partner " after 3 weeks, you leapt straight into the relationship with your ex when he wasn't even divorced.
Part of me thinks you need to slow down and take stock of you.

You need to deal with him first though, it's done now, call the police.