Wife putting family first

[Golf2020]

Hi, this is my first time on a forum . I’m looking for impartial anonymous advice .
It’s my 40th birthday in a months time which has been difficult to plan due to covid but I’m still hoping to get away and do something as usually I don’t do much but 40 is a big milestone.
My wife is from the Philippines and has a mother with mental health issues , her mum is been forced into moving house which she’s known about for months now if not a year or two . She has to move be beginning of January .
My wife’s brother works out of the country so no one is there and she has suggested this morning that they both need to go back to Philippines for December to move her mum.
I feel like this could of been sorted earlier but I understand the difficult situation . She has a house to move to but she wil cause problems .
I still can’t help feel hurt though as she will be gone for my 40th .
It’s all very last minute. I’m getting resentful at the fact that it’s her 30th in March and I’m already planning it.
Am I a bad person for feeling this way ?

I am not sure I would be worrying about your birthday in relation to this. I would be more concerned about the COVID situation and whether or not your wife can travel into, and back from, the Philippines? I can understand that she wants to help her DM but she may be curtailed by restrictions.

Its hard but honestly if she was the kind of person to leave her mum to struggle because it was your birthday, would you have even fallen for her? I think its just one of those Sods law things OP.

Sorry but you sound very selfish, you put having a nice birthday (it's just a date on the calendar) above helping your mil. Birthdays are being blown out of all proportion by some people mostly men!

Birthdays are being blown out of all proportion by some people mostly men!

What utter sexist nonsense! MN is full of women complaining that their partner hasn't put enough effort into their birthday.

Can you go as well and make it a birthday trip and moving mil trip?

Birthdays are being blown out of all proportion by some people mostly men!
Why is OP automatically a man?

Foreign nationals are not allowed into the Philippines currently, only Filipino nationals. She would likely have to self isolate and or otherwise quarantine herself for 14 days upon arrival. Flights there could be problematic to obtain due to numbers of flights being cut back.

I would put her planned 30th birthday celebrations on ice, there is no need to plan this early.

It sounds like birthdays are very important to you OP. I expect they are important to your wife too but obviously not as important as her mother’s mental health.

Many people don’t see birthdays the way you do. I didn’t bother to celebrate most of mine since I’ve been an adult - perhaps a drink with friends on some years but mostly I don’t bother. Did nothing for my 30th as DH was away and I couldn’t be bothered to organise anything myself.

Don’t see this as a big thing because it isn’t one. Your birthday may be weird anyway, we could still be in lite lockdown and unable to do unnecessary travel.

If I were you I would start planning a big party in summer to look forward to, not necessarily a postponed bday maybe just a family get together.

I think this is one of those things where you both have a point, but I would suggest that her's trumps birthday. Why not plan a joint celebration for her birthday or in the summer?

Fwiw, I will be turning 40 in a month or so and am fully reconciled to the fact that it will be a non event. 😂

Thanks everyone 😊 btw I am female not male though 🤣
You’ve all put valid points across which have put my head in check! My MIL should come first . Think I’m having a pre reaching 4-0 nervous breakdown !

Shame we can’t both go though or that would be ideal solution

Can you not pay for a moving company and plan a holiday out there to celebrate birthdays later on next year when things have settled down a bit?