Emotional affair? Or more?

[Stupidgirl77]

So I have name changed for this as I feel so stupid. I've been with an amazing man for a year, no problems except for his female workmate friend, she's very full on and a while ago she told me drunk that they were going to go off together, passed it off as just joking and he was initially annoyed but has forgotten it now, I on the other hand have not, I was struggling with anxiety due to other things and this has sent me down a really bad path, I'm worried all the time, drinking too much, it's just ruined things for me and she's still there in the background, I know she messages him as when he's on his phone she is often at the top of the texts lists and calls lists,I don't think it's a physical affair but how do I know, he's sick of me talking about it now and I am not ready to give up the relationship but I feel so sad now, she has a boyfriend by the way

You do know relationships should add to your life, not cause you stress? Given he's aware of how she feels and the fact she TOLD YOU that, and is still not taking some space and distance, means he values the friendship more than your relationship. Fair enough if his friend made the effort to treat you with some respect, rather than drunkenly admit her feelings.

Please don't torture yourself like this. He could be the nicest, kindest, funniest, sexiest man - but the fact he doesn't leave you feeling good about yourself is reason to walk away. I understand how anxiety can make you overanalyse and overthink things, but in this case, you are within bounds to be suspicious. You will be happier single, than you are atm. Don't cling on to a man who makes you unhappy, he will/has lost respect for you anyway as he can see you're miserable but still sticking with him. Pick up your self respect, and just go.

Thanks for your reply, I am just wondering if I could have got it wrong somehow and it's all in my head, I do always worry about stuff like this that maybe other people would be fine with, and it's her contacting him I believe but I can't be sure

Just them being friends isn't the issue. It's the fact that she said something hurtful and a bit nasty to your face, which shows a lack of respect for you and your role in his life. If he still wants to maintain that friendship at the same intensity, it doesn't say much about the company he keeps. Or how much HE respects you. That is what anyone would take issue with.

You don't want to be with a man who is in the midst of all this drama, and dragging you into it. Friendships should be fun and supportive of your relationship, and a new partner should be welcomed into the fold with open arms. She hasn't done that, and he doesn't seem bothered by it. That is a big red flag.

He did call her out on it, I hear what you are saying and believe me I am taking it on board, I think I will give it till after Christmas, there's stuff going on in my life that means I just can't face that on my own but I do some work on myself and try and detach my from my feelings so it's not as hard when I inevitably do finish it unless it changes significantly, thankyou

What did he say to call her out and how did she respond? I think that's important.

He told her that she had upset me and that she should apologise, she just said that she was only joking, Ive not really seen her since as I now avoid her, he's very black and white and I think in his head that it is sorted now

My feeling is that she loves the fact she's caused a problem, I would love to talk to her boyfriend to get his take on it but I don't know him