How, if at all, to respond.

[lowerthanlow]

Bear with me on this. I'm trying to keep a very long story short and include the important stuff without being identifiable.

I had a lifelong best friend. She suffers from mental health problems. She can't say no to anyone, ever, which allowed a horrible person to take advantage and bully her to a sickening extent.
The Bully very publicly humiliated my friend and I'd had enough, I stood up to the bully because my friend was in no fit state to, I told them to pack it in.
The Bully then turned on me and started a hate campaign to wreck my life. And they managed it fairly well.
Bully also convinced my friend to drop me, which she did quite quickly. It was a terrible shock.
This campaign to finish me seeped into many areas of my life, not just socially. It has affected family members and even my children. It has pushed me to the point of suicidal thoughts.
As much as I like to think Friend was somehow coerced, she seemingly did some nasty things of her own volition. Like she believed that I was the horrible person that Bully was suggesting. It made me face up to the fact that my former best friend was no longer anything of the sort and the stress of it all was just crushing. I was absolutely devastated, and still am. I feel like my whole personality has altered.

Anyway, this year I've really managed to pull myself up, mostly thanks to COVID meaning I didn't have to see any of the people involved (we live in a very compact area, part of the stress was being unable to hide)
I was doing ok.

Now I've received a message from my former best friend.
It's a very light, breezy hi how are you? type of message that you'd send to someone you'd simply lost touch with for a short while. She says that she misses seeing me around. No suggestion of any apology or admission of wrongdoing. No mention of any of it.
I know that Bully is not out of the picture, we move in close enough circles to be certain of that.
I feel sick at the thought of being drawn back into it all. My heart palpitations are back.
I've no idea what to do for the best. Should I respond or ignore.

Agree you should ignore. She's not a friend.

I think you should write down all the things you want to say to her, at length - get it off your chest. Then delete it, block her and give yourself a little treat of some kind.

I don't feel able to go into anymore detail, there is a whole lot more to it but it's all very identifying.
I've woken up this morning a bit more positive and a lot calmer. I'll try my hardest to pretend I never saw it and not let it in. Message came via a platform that gives read receipts though, so she will see I've ignored it but I suppose that's the tiny little 'fuck you' i needed.
I'm off to try to throw myself into my WFH. It's so hard not to let your mind wander off when you're sat there doing boring work though.

Thank you, everyone.

What are you going to do long-term, tho? Lockdown has given you a break from it, but that's a temporary fix.

Personally I'd think about moving if it's had such a huge impact on your life, and a text can spin you out. You need a plan for what lies ahead.

Do not engage. These people are toxic. You need to delete and move on. I’ve been through something similar and I’m still traumatised after 3 years. I’m having weekly therapy and that has really helped. I’m planning to move away and get a fresh start and unless you have family in the area (I don’t) I strongly urge you to do the same. You need a clean slate. New friends. New boundaries.

Definitely ignore and block.
Something I’ve done in the past is write down everything you want to say to your ‘friend’, every piece of vitriol and rage, not leaving out anything, get really fucking mad and then burn it.
Sounds a bit psychobabble but has worked for me in the past. Gets it all out.
Best of luck op, must have been an awful experience to affect you so deeply.

I think best is to just ignore, ignore, ignore. Second best (maybe to be used if ex friend and bully attempt other contact or if you're likely to bump into them) is to grey rock, just be totally boring, reasonable and non confrontational so there's no emotive/dramatic pay off for ex friend and bully. There are some good articles online about how to grey rock.