Would this have put him off?

[Baffled7538]

Started dating someone who was very, very keen at the beginning. He was definitely the pursuer. At some point I alluded to not having a great childhood when it came up in conversation and gently declined discussing it further. At date 5, he brought it up again and really wanted to know. I told him that I had been verbally and emotionally abused by my mother as a child. I didn't go on about it, didn't get emotional and gave the impression that I was clearly over it. I am successful in my career, a happy person and have lovely child. But the next day he went absolutely cold and gradually started ignoring me. I have wracked my brain over the past week trying to figure out why and this is the only thing I could come up with. Could it be this, and why? What is his thought process. How did it put him off? Please help me to understand.

Could it be this, and why?

While none of us can know for sure, I think it could be a reason, yes. Perhaps he is wanting a family, and has reservations with starting one with a woman who had an abusive childhood. Given he "really wanted to know" about your childhood on date 5, this is my best guess.

Maybe?

If it is, then be grateful he's letting you know early on that he's a twat!!

There's something odd about him bringing it up on date 5 when you've already indicated you don't want to talk about it. Date 5 should still be lighthearted fun not probing for difficult childhood details?

Other turning point can be sex of course. Did you that night? (Something to ask yourself, no need to answer if you don't want to!)

Thanks Aquamarine. He has 3 children of his own, but I suppose the same thinking would apply. 🙁

Witches, The sex happened on date 4 & 5 (before the conversation), but he still seemed super keen after date 4. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It could have been completely unrelated to anything that happened on your date - he could have had bad news or had someone he held a torch for declare their undying love & he’s too cowardly to tell you. Probably not you at all. If he was put of by you telling him, at his request some of your history then you’re best rid anyway.

Either don’t worry or if you really can’t let it go then when it’s possible ask him to go for a coffee sometime, make it clear it isn’t a date you just want to meet up quickly as there is something bothering you & you’d like to chat and ask him outright (he’ll probably think you’re either going to tell him you’re pregnant or have an STI with that coffee request so answering a ‘what went wrong?’ question will be a massive relief!).

Eh, if he’s scared off that easily do you REALLY want him in your life?

I was in a long term relationship with a guy who confessed that when he was little he was molested by his sitter. It didn’t make me afraid that he would have issues if anything it made him more endearing to me as he opened up and revealed something he never told anyone else.

Thank you. That has made me feel much better. Was really down about the fact that I had done so much work to "get over it" and in some ways it's made me a better person. But people don't always see it that way.

It could have been that he just liked the thrill of the chase (although he said he was looking for a relationship)

Maybe you just dodged a bullet. There's a fine line between super keen and love bombing. He may have been looking for someone vulnerable that he could manipulate hence pushing for details on your childhood. Maybe the fact you were emotionally healthy put him off...

Or he could just be your standard dickhead with a 5 minute attention span.

Either way, his loss.

It's highly unlikely to be any thing that put him off, more that he's a shallow man who starts off full on then goes off women quickly when the shine comes off. Many men are like this sadly (possibly women too, I've never dated one so just going by experience)
Don't take it personally, it's his dysfunction

OP I bet it’s nothing to do with that. All sorts could be going on in his life that you don’t know about. You may well hear from him again but like other posters said, do you want someone who goes cold like that for no real reason?! If that was the reason it’s utterly crazy. You could of course ask him. Or just get meeting someone who treats you better. Xx