Want to stop living with DH but stay together

[Fantasisa]

Is this crazy talk? We just do not seem to be able to live together harmoniously but we still love each other and the DC. We could afford to run two houses, just, but would obviously have far less disposable income. It would obviously be fraught with danger - one of us changing minds etc/confusing the DC, but part of me can't help but thinking that it could be an unusual solution that worked for us. Has anyone else done it? Do you know anyone who has?

I know people say this is a good idea but the only people I have heard of who do it, always split up. You're opting out of family life really. Rather than this, I think a nicer option is to create a private space for one of you...a caravan in the garden or a shed or something that you or he can retreat to.

I guess. Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton lived next door to each other but even they split up in the end.

My husband and I don't live together he works nights and I work from home and with the kids, dogs, ect he wasn't getting enough sleep. Comes around for an hour or so in the evening before work and sleeps here sat and Sunday.
I love it he stays at his dads the rest of the week, has his dinner there and washing and that done there it's great. X

I completely understand but it is very unconventional and unless both parties are totally on board with it, it's never going to work. But this is what I would love to do! Live within 10 minutes walk of my dh but not in the same house. I became intrigued with the idea back in the early 90s from reading about the writers Michael Holroyd and Margaret Drabble. I still fantasise about it quite often.

I know a woman who lives separately from her husband. I’m not sure if they ever lived together but they have had separate houses for about 15 years. They have one child and are very happy. He stays over at her place Friday evening thru Monday morning when he leaves to go to work.

I love this idea and think it could work if both partners are in the same page about it. Some people can be madly in love but just can’t make things work together under the same roof. So to me this is the best option.

I bought my own house and moved myself and DD out, almost a year ago after 10 years living together. We're still together and happy.

He often says at my house. I don't ever stay at his because it's disruptive to our DD and I hate it.

It was a risk but if we stayed living together in that house we absolutely would have split up. As it stands it was a good move, we're getting on better than ever and I'm expecting DC2 and we intend to keep our two houses. Nobody understands it and don't know what the future holds, probably at some point a few years down the line if it doesn't go wrong, we'll live together properly, but for now this works for us.

If you're both in agreement then why not? I think if finances allowed, a lot of people would like to do this maybe just me, lol.
Why not rent for say 6 mths to see if it works for you, brings you more harmony? If it doesn't then you have far deeper problems but at least you'll know. I did it many years ago but at the back of my mind it was an exit plan (but didn't tell him) and for that, it worked perfectly!

If you have money for two houses it might be better to buy a bigger house where you can have your own spaces but avoids the weird seperate houses feeling.

My friend has done this recently but they don’t have kids. They have been married for about 14years though and had a v strong marriage but work stresses took their toll and they chose to love separately rather than watch their marriage disintegrate. She says it’s much better but wishes he lived closer as he’s quite far for work. He comes round a couple of times a week. I’m secretly jealous as my DP would never be up for this!

I would absolutely love this!! I do like my partner and we get on well by he’s messy and rubbish around the house (housework wise, not DIY) and I do most of the childcare as he works long unsociable hours - oh and he snores like a warthog with sinusitis - I would happily live next door to him so not to get bogged down by the daily irritation of tidying up after him constantly!! If I had the money I would 100% suggest this to him

Didn’t David Bowie and his wife live in separate wings of their house? I know somebody who lives in this country and her husband lives in Japan. I think marriage and sharing a house greatly benefits the man but the woman suffers. Separate houses are a brilliant idea. Keep your house/garden small, easy, manageable, uncluttered. What a life. Loads of spare time for hobbies and FUN rather than picking up after a gross giant man baby who can’t put kit Kat wrappers in the bin. Men are disgusting.

It depends whether you can afford it without relying on benefits? I know a couple who do this purely for the extra money 🙄

I think this sums it up for me from @Muchadoaboutlife I think marriage and sharing a house greatly benefits the man but the woman suffers

No benefits here, unfortunately for us, we'd both manage - just - but it is a shame as we are just out of the £££ childcare years so it would have been the first time we could start to think about holidays etc.

I think it’s a great idea and would love to arrange my life like this. It’s always seemed the ideal set up to me.

Could you do that thing where you rent an additional small flat rather than two houses, the kids can stay in your existing place and you can take it in turns to have some "time out" in the flat?

It's unconventional and a lot of people will probably assume you are splitting up and just kidding yourselves. But if you are genuinely on the same page and have a good channel of communication and agreement about the way things will work, I think it can work.