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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend negative about my baby.. to reconnect or not bother?

8 replies

96chick · 15/11/2020 19:33

New to mumsnet so apologies if I’m posting this on the wrong thread... couldn’t find one for friendship! Long story short, been friends with this person, let’s call her Cat, for nearly 20 years. We’ve always been close and at one point considered her my friend soul mate, as I felt we could talk about anything and she was always my go to. Of course we would have the odd tiff or disagreement but nothing major. As we’ve grown up we both matured in different ways. I had my first DC in May, she has none. 5 yrs ago I found I out I have PCOS alongside an underactive thyroid so was very worried about the possibility of conceiving and carrying a pregnancy to term, she was always very supportive of this. However, when I found out I was pregnant I was very shocked, completely unplanned, I told only her and my DP, and my mum. Her immediate reaction was “okay, well wait a day or 2, take another test and then decide” I replied that I had already decided to keep the baby and that I was so shocked (I was 22 at the time) she proceeded to be negative, saying I could have an abortion if I wanted to (quite pushy about this), saying if I got pregnant this easily I could again so no reason to progress if I’m “not ready”, asking if I could give this child the life it deserves, she then proceeded not to ask me how I was once or even mention it until I was about 14 weeks, she continually was negative about babies and children in general until I just snapped and sent her a long text basically saying I hope she is happy and I wish her nothing but the best for the future but that I was getting too upset by her always being negative about my baby and that I was hurt by how she reacted. We then didn’t speak. A few weeks before my due date she sent me a card in the post with a long message in, about how I’ll always be her sister, if I want to reconnect she’ll always be there etc etc. Being heavily pregnant during the peak of Covid and the first lockdown was enough on my mind so I didn’t respond and focused on preparing for my baby. When my son was born I saw on FB she had bought a house so I text her to say congrats, and she responded saying thank you. That was it. Then a few months later I sent her a message about reconnecting if she wanted to, and that if she would like to I would like her to be a presence in my sons life etc, trying to build bridges. She ignored this message and never sent any form of congratulations, text or otherwise after he was born, never liked any posts on social media or anything. Now - the reason for this ridiculously long post - I can see on social media that she’s gained a lot of weight, doesn’t seem to have the friendship groups she once had and generally seems depressed and I am a little bit concerned about her. Do I message again and check in and see if she’s okay, and see where it goes from there? Or do I decide the friendships over, which I initiated and move in with my life? We were once very close and I am feeling nostalgic but I was once incredibly hurt by the way she was acting! Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. Tia for advice and opinions.

OP posts:
Sangham · 15/11/2020 20:02

I honestly think I'd assume that the friendship had run it's course. She could have responded to you but didn't. Sad but people can grow apart when circumstances change.

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 15/11/2020 20:11

I'd try one more time- even if it's just for your own peace of mind. But be prepared to find that you're in very different places now.

billy1966 · 15/11/2020 20:40

@Sangham

I honestly think I'd assume that the friendship had run it's course. She could have responded to you but didn't. Sad but people can grow apart when circumstances change.
This.

OP, you need positive relationships in your life.

Flowers
Krampusasbabysitter · 15/11/2020 21:51

Please focus on you and your baby. Your friend showed some truly toxic behaviour and you gave her a number of chances to reconnect. Maybe she has fewer friends due to her attitude. That happens when you are judgemental and rude to people.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 15/11/2020 21:56

I'd probably extend one more olive branch (just for your own peace of mind as a previous poster said). You may not have much in common going forward, but you have been friends such a long time...

BitOfFun · 15/11/2020 22:02

Can you step away from all the texting and see her in person? I know that England is in lockdown, but could you call round with the pram and jolly her out for a walk?

96chick · 15/11/2020 22:08

Thank you all. Really helpful Smile I don’t know if she would even agree to meet, plus she lives an hour away and works in a supermarket so I would be wary of keeping my distance to be honest. I just don’t know what to do! For the sake of my pride I feel like I should let go but why would she send an olive branch, her card, and then ignore my attempts to respond!

OP posts:
Sunflower1970 · 16/11/2020 03:04

You have tried and she has not responded. I honestly would leave the ball in her court. She knows where you are . You are naturally feeling nostalgic but for the sake of your pride I’d leave it and if she does get in touch then that will confirm whether your old friendship did mean as much to her as it did to you!

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