29 and no long term relationships

[bella91]

Hi,

Just looking for some reassurance/advice if possible.

I’m 29 years old, and the longest I’ve ever been with anyone was around 3 months (3 years ago), and that was with someone who I found out was seeing someone else the whole time I was with him. Prior to that, I’ve never gotten past more than one or two dates with people. I’ve also had casual relationships/ONS a handful of times - I have absolutely no problem getting close to or being intimate with people, so that’s not an issue.

At this point, I’ve not slept with anyone for over two years, and that was a ONS.

For further back story, I was sexually abused as a child, and sexually assaulted as a teenager, and this left me with deep rooted issues around men/sex/acceptable behaviour until around a year ago when I went to therapy. Since then, I feel like a different person (in a good way) however I am also worried that I’ll never be in a happy long term relationship. I would love nothing more than to fall in love, get married, have children but I’m just so worried that it won’t happen as there’s no one I’m interested in right now and struggle to see it happening. I don’t know if it’s just this year making everything seem more extreme. So many of my friends are getting married and are having babies and it’s all I want too - but I don’t want to rush into it with the wrong person, which is why I haven’t.

Also I really really dislike online dating so would like to avoid that as much as possible. Any words of advice would be much appreciated though, thank you for listening x

My advice would be to relax and know it's okay! You dont want to be stuck with the wrong person( lots of us have been there). You've made incredible progress and worked on yourself which is vital. Theres no time limit to find someone. My friend didnt have a boyfriend at all until she was....43!!! She'd given up but is now happily married.

Just relax you have loads of time yet

I'm 30 and have been single for 2 years and I feel exactly the same!

Sometimes I'm really grateful I'm not with the wrong guy.... sometimes I worry that I won't meet someone I ACTUALLY want to be with!

I'm just trying to stay busy and get through this weird year and hopefully things will pick up next year

But you're definitely not alone in how you're feeling

Thanks very much for your replies, it’s definitely reassuring to hear other people’s perspectives and own experiences.

@Sangham I really appreciate you saying that, thank you. I think I’m almost worried at this stage because I’ve become so comfortable on my own and selective about people I want to date, that I’m worried I’ll never find anyone I like enough!

@WinterIsHere1990 I completely feel the same! I worry that I disregard people because they don’t seem “right” from the get-go but then at the same time... I wouldn’t be comfortable seeing someone that I didn’t like to begin with! It’s so tricky, but definitely good to be optimistic about it all like you are

You know that age-old cliche of "it happens when you least expect it"? Surprisingly true.

Pick up some new hobbies or interests and focusing on refining yourself as a person, and you'll find a person worthy of your time and efforts will come along down the line. Focus on making yourself the best partner you can be rather than looking around for one (for right now) xx

@bella91 honestly I could have written your last comment!

I dont want to just date anyone. But no one seems right 🤦‍♀️ and I've loved these last 2 years on my own. And not sure how I feel about someone imposing on my life 😂 but think about being on the shelf a lot. I cant win!

If the worst happens... we can be crazy dog/cat ladies together 🥳😂

I'm a lot older than you, and have friends my age. They appear from the outside to be happy in LT relationships or marriages, but some have definitely settled. They are unfulfilled, stagnant and have lost themselves over the years. I know it's so easy to look at social media and society in general and think you have to be in a couple. One of the happiest people I know has been single for 15 years now.

@WinterIsHere1990 yes to the cats and dogs, much less hassle than men!