I've met someone

[Canyoustartthefansplse]

I'm married 20 years, 3 DC, 2 SEN. Marriage has been up and down over the years but lots of v fond memories together of lots of trips abroad. Spent last year renovating our house, cost £100k. Its the perfect house for our DC. Now the difficult bit .. I've met someone. Nothing has happened with OM but omg he has blown me away. I didn't set out for this to happen at all. My head is spinning and I don't know what to do. Stay in marriage where I'm content - we both do our own thing and it works in terms of running the house/life (but im so v lonely and I've told him that - he's a gamer, we don't laugh together, he rarely wants sex, we have always been v opposite in a lot of ways), DC are settled - and drop OM or throw my whole family life/world/life upside down and leave for OM..DH would be distraught, DC would probably be too as we would have to move house.

OP what a difficult situation for you.
What does OM feel about all this. Is he agreeable to taking on you and 3 DC, 2 of whom are SEN? Does he have children so has experience of children or not?
I know I could not be content with an OH who is a gamer and does not want sex. I would find that so cold and boring.
Maybe you could do an advantage and disadvantage list for each man and situation and see where the highest points are.
You are entitled to a full life, with love and laughter and company. We are not made to sit and stare blankly at a wall.
Think carefully for you and as long as no-one else is harmed you are entitled to be first in the queue,

You can’t leave for the OM. What’s his situation? How long have you known him?

If you leave your marriage, do it because you’re unhappy and it can’t be saved not because you have someone waiting in the wings.

You really need to think hard about this, could you speak to your husband? If you haven’t done anything with the OM it could be salvageable if you have an honest chat with your husband about the state of your marriage.

Don’t have an affair, it will rip everyone’s world apart including your own.

If you were truly content in your marriage there would have been no room for another man within it. You’ve been fantasising about this other man anyway because you are lonely within your marriage and your marriage anyway sounds utterly poor. What do you get out of that relationship? If anything this other man has further acted as a catalyst to show you how emotionally bereft and otherwise awful your marriage is. Your husband and you are living separate lives within the home and are probably only together because of the kids. What relationship example does that show your children?.

Both of you have really stayed together for your own reasons and besides which staying because of your children is no reason to stay together either.

I think you now need to be on your own and not in any relationship at all. Neither your husband or this other man are any good for you really.

"If you leave your marriage, do it because you’re unhappy and it can’t be saved not because you have someone waiting in the wings. "

This.

Work out what you want to do about your marriage and be prepared to be alone. If the OM is right then he will be there when all of that is sorted.

Starting a relationship with the OM now will open a whole can of worms you dont need to complicate that decision..

What will it do to you to make that sacrifice (giving up the OM for the sake of your DH and children)? Imagine you let this go by and next year your DH 'meets someone'. Imagine you follow the OM, five or six lives are disrupted, and the OM walks away?

You need to live your life authentically, being honest with yourself. No-one on earth will put you first - that's down to you. But your children are part of you. Some people feel better if they know they have done all they can for their children. Some people feel better if they follow their own desire.

I think I'd go for the line of least regret, but you might choose a different path.

I think you have to try and separate the two decisions, hard though that is! You shouldn't leave the marriage for this man, but you should leave it if it doesn't make you happy.
If the OM is worth it, he will still be there once you have untangled your current situation

Work on whatever is missing in your marriage.
Drop this OM like a hot potato.
It's really not worth seeing your children crying and heartbroken. You don't want that guilt on your shoulders.

So - just to be clear ...nothing has happened with OM - but you think you have the choice to “ throw my whole family life/world/life upside down and leave for OM”
On what planet do you turn up at someone s door to say you’ve left your family for them..although ‘nothing has happened’??
You are either still fantasising ridiculously - or not telling the truth about you and this OM.

Sit down with your DH, be honest, go to marriage counselling. Salvage your marriage, your family, your home, your life. Do not chuck it all in for the fantasy of OM, just because you are unhappy and fantasising about something that probably isn't even a reality.

However, I greatly sympathise....it must be a empty existence being married to someone obsessed with gaming.

In what context have you met someone? Is he a colleague? A friend of a friend? Are your feelings reciprocated? Or are you in the throes of a crush?

Drop OM but tell your DH that things need to change or your marriage will be over.

Book counselling and give him the option of working with you or divorcing.