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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotional Cheating,maybe more

17 replies

Chicargo12 · 15/11/2020 11:01

Just need some support. Posted a while ago. Currently long story short. Partner declared overnight after going to a wedding on his own (argued to make sure I didnt go) that he was selling house,moving back down south as didnt want "this" anymore. We have two kids. I was devastated but he was complete detached and did not care how much I pleaded. Around this time he was vile with his words, telling me how horrible I was,no one likes me and taunted me in arguments saying he had someone else anyway. When life made it clear he couldnt just sell house etc he came full circle. Was nice and wanted it to work. Had just said about he had cheated to hurt me. Found out that he had been chatting,texting ( maybe more who knows) to his ex from years ago. Mother of his grown up kid. Hasnt moved on obviously. Was telling him they should get back together,reminiscing over old times. Fuming. Anyway didnt want to hurt kids, break family up etc so put my feelings to back and tried to make it work. Good days,bad days. Thought it was in past. Know if kids werent involved I would he gone. Anyway all ok till two nights ago I could see he had searched this ex profile a few times. Confronted him and be couldnt explain. Said he was just being nosey (WTF) and if it were me and an ex popped up I would do same. Isnt really bothered by my reaction and says didnt think it was a big deal. I'm angry and want to kill him . I'm putting my dignity and happiness on line for this? Tell me I am an idiot. I need to hear it. This isnt ok by anyone's standards surely. It's not a stranger. It's his ex who I am convinced he was leaving us for. You dont overnight decide your off unless someone else has turned you head?! I know I'm worth so much more.

OP posts:
Chicargo12 · 20/11/2020 17:46

Have I posted this in the wrong section?

OP posts:
revolving · 20/11/2020 20:30

@Chicargo12

Just need some support. Posted a while ago. Currently long story short. Partner declared overnight after going to a wedding on his own (argued to make sure I didnt go) that he was selling house,moving back down south as didnt want "this" anymore. We have two kids. I was devastated but he was complete detached and did not care how much I pleaded. Around this time he was vile with his words, telling me how horrible I was,no one likes me and taunted me in arguments saying he had someone else anyway. When life made it clear he couldnt just sell house etc he came full circle. Was nice and wanted it to work. Had just said about he had cheated to hurt me. Found out that he had been chatting,texting ( maybe more who knows) to his ex from years ago. Mother of his grown up kid. Hasnt moved on obviously. Was telling him they should get back together,reminiscing over old times. Fuming. Anyway didnt want to hurt kids, break family up etc so put my feelings to back and tried to make it work. Good days,bad days. Thought it was in past. Know if kids werent involved I would he gone. Anyway all ok till two nights ago I could see he had searched this ex profile a few times. Confronted him and be couldnt explain. Said he was just being nosey (WTF) and if it were me and an ex popped up I would do same. Isnt really bothered by my reaction and says didnt think it was a big deal. I'm angry and want to kill him . I'm putting my dignity and happiness on line for this? Tell me I am an idiot. I need to hear it. This isnt ok by anyone's standards surely. It's not a stranger. It's his ex who I am convinced he was leaving us for. You dont overnight decide your off unless someone else has turned you head?! I know I'm worth so much more.
He's made it clear what he wants, important thing is what do you want? Takes two be a happy couple, can't do it on your own - try and keep your self respect in place, if children see this kind of behaviour it becomes the norm for them also! Lead my example and make the decision yourself, not wait to see what he wants
MiaGracie · 20/11/2020 22:09

@Chicargo12 it's him being a using selfish cunt.
It's not about her and it isn't about you!
He did what he did cause he could and He knew he would probably get away with it because of the dc etc.

The relationship is dead.
Good times mean nothing when it's on his terms

Chicargo12 · 20/11/2020 23:06

Yes I know what you are saying is right. Have been together 11 years and hes still hung up on an ex from way before that time. I just dont get it. When he initially said he was selling up and this was the end ,I was so shocked and upset and he was so blaise about it and said "for gods sake why cant people just move on". I also said well We will have to tell the children (meaning in a grown up nice way) and he said loud to our Daughter "Mum and Dad and splitting up:. So wrong. Dont sure why I have put up with it for this long. Wanted to say I tried. Not sure how much a person can take

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 20/11/2020 23:14

Tell him to go to ... Flowers

EKGEMS · 20/11/2020 23:20

I'd throw him and his shit out on the front lawn tonight and the neighbors would have a story to talk about for ages

Chicargo12 · 20/11/2020 23:20

@BlueThistles

Tell him to go to ... Flowers
😍😍
OP posts:
MiaGracie · 20/11/2020 23:21

@Chicargo12 he isn't hung up on her because of her, it's because she reminds him how he once felt, younger etc. He can use the connection between them to connect ( I use connection very loosely: it's mainly in his head)

He said what he did because he's peacocking, he's acting as if he's in charge, getting the life he wants because he feel old and sad.
Ain't nothing you can do about it.

You put up with it because you have love for him, your life together, the memories. It's not always fun being on your own, you made a commitment and I bet many times you wanted to give up but you didn't and this is just bloody BS that he is.

Chicargo12 · 20/11/2020 23:24

@EKGEMS

I'd throw him and his shit out on the front lawn tonight and the neighbors would have a story to talk about for ages
He said "your gonna mess those childrens lives up because of a stupid FB thing". Its just the decieit isnt it. The original this should have made me end it. Why a year later is he still checking her out? God I sound so stupid I know
OP posts:
Chicargo12 · 20/11/2020 23:27

[quote MiaGracie]@Chicargo12 he isn't hung up on her because of her, it's because she reminds him how he once felt, younger etc. He can use the connection between them to connect ( I use connection very loosely: it's mainly in his head)

He said what he did because he's peacocking, he's acting as if he's in charge, getting the life he wants because he feel old and sad.
Ain't nothing you can do about it.

You put up with it because you have love for him, your life together, the memories. It's not always fun being on your own, you made a commitment and I bet many times you wanted to give up but you didn't and this is just bloody BS that he is.

[/quote]
Thank you. I know what to do. Just need hear it from someone else.

OP posts:
MiaGracie · 20/11/2020 23:28

My ex was so miserable, about everything in life but not about me( he was a liar) he just couldn't tell me that cause I would kick me out.
Well I caught him sexting again! Supposedly it was his MH that caused him to reach out and request Fanny pics,
So he did basically tell me lol

And I did, that night: told him to leave. Two weeks of hell. To the point I got the police involved. From bail I went straight to get a non mol.

He has no choice but to sit in the shit he created. And thank the lord it stops me ever letting his mind games confused me.

MiaGracie · 20/11/2020 23:31

It's his behaviour!!! He needs to own it like an adult!!! He should of stopped himself.
Saw this tonight
' he wasn't sorry until he got caught'

Good luck with it, and remember it's actually has nothing to do with you, and in that it's hurts because you have given so much but we aren't responsible for them.

AnyFucker · 20/11/2020 23:34

Tell me I'm an idiot

You're an idiot.

RantyAnty · 20/11/2020 23:40

How old are your DC and what is your financial situation with the house and work?

Chicargo12 · 20/11/2020 23:41

When I confronted him be couldnt explain. Had no reason. Didnt think it was a big deal. But said if it were other way round (when he was actually messaging her and ringing her when he was working nights ) he would be gone. He was telling her how awful I was and she said she couldnt believe he put up with it. Why is he with me and they should get back together as they were only young at the time. When I originally found out I said you seem to think your all going to be one big happy family. Dont think your taking our kids round there. He was so cocky about it and said "I would if I wanted to ". This was at the point he was trying to make amends with me. The arrogance is on another level

OP posts:
Chicargo12 · 20/11/2020 23:42

@AnyFucker

Tell me I'm an idiot

You're an idiot.

I know x
OP posts:
Chicargo12 · 20/11/2020 23:44

@MiaGracie

It's his behaviour!!! He needs to own it like an adult!!! He should of stopped himself. Saw this tonight ' he wasn't sorry until he got caught'

Good luck with it, and remember it's actually has nothing to do with you, and in that it's hurts because you have given so much but we aren't responsible for them.

I've just been hanging in there for the kids. Putting my needs and emotional wellbeing on hold. For what. To be trampled on again.
OP posts:
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