Is online dating a pointless exercise?

[StartingAgainat31]

To persevere with online dating or not?

Is it a waste of time? Because at the moment it does feel that way!? I would just like to be clear. I'm pretty selective, and feel like I'm filtering the more obviously odd ones (anyone with a picture of a fish, or a rant in their profile about women, or how they have been treated badly in their past!)

However last night a bloke started with the opener that he thinks I'm an alcoholic (not sure which school of chat up lines he has been to, but I expect in his mind it was some odd test that I needed to pass to progress to the next level of oddness.)

This goes along with all the guys who open with a line asking my favourite sex position. A guess on my bra size. Whether I'm into foot fetishism. Whether I want to meet them 5 minutes after starting to chat. Whether I'm going to send them intimate photos..... the list goes on.

I mean it's not surprising these guys are single in all honesty. There seems to be a complete lack of ability to actually have an intelligent conversation, and a lack of awareness of what is actually acceptable. Most guys on these apps seem to treat women like a hunk of meat, rather than having any interest in getting to know them. Is this just a mark of the types of men who use these apps. Do I just delete them?

Because I'm sure that not all blokes on dating apps are crass, sex obsessed, two dimensional trolls, but certainly this is what I'm currently finding.

@Bunnymumy

You could ask if dating in general is a waste of time. 99% of ppl arent going to be for you. Thats just life.

I'd happily meet someone after 5 min of chatting btw. Provided there were no red flags and we met in public. I dont want to waste my time talking to guys online that I don't even know if I will fancy in person.

This

I met my dp, and at least 3 other decent men on Tinder within the last 5 years.

I think it helps to rebrand these apps in your head as "introduction apps". You cant date through an app, you can meet people though. And those people will be most incompatible with you, just like most of the folk you'd meet in a pub or club.

Be very selective, and don't create a fantasy that the app will select a perfect match for you. All it can do is introduce you, your job is to investigate whether it is a match.

It does, as a matter of fact. On Dating sites most often there are men who want to have sex with you and nothing more. I once met a man on a dating site who I thought was pretty cute and smart. We chatted for a week and decided to meet. From the first time we met, I fell in love with him (as I thought it was mutual). However, after a month of our relationship, he stopped answering my calls and messages. A couple of days later I got a message from him that he wanted to break up because he was tired of me. And that's it. He just added me to the blacklist. I've been crying and listening to breakup songs for almost 2 months breakupangels.com/best-breakup-songs/...

I got asked if I was a man, and if I wax a fake profile. I've been given a list of questions to answer, been asked multiple times to send "more pics", told I "look sexy", asked to invite 2 men round to my house within 15 minutes of chatting to them and accused of exchanging messages with multiple men by a man who had found and stalked my Facebook profile within 2 days and a total of 10 messages.

I really don't need thuse negative experiences in my life and will never do it again. Its bad enough fending off all the 20 years plus older men who seem to have flicked to using FB as a dating site who send you pointless dms, despite you barely knowing them. Or who like your few publicly available photos.

I suspect these are single, former serial shaggers who now struggle to meet women.

I dated a lot on tinder and POF due to being a single mum working full time and no real time to meet in bars. So there are a lot of weird and wonderful people out there and those looking the odd casual hook up.

But I met my fiancée on tinder and he is amazing. We are expecting our first baby today and wedding booked. Family and friends love him. So I advise just stay picky, keep ur guard up .And just continue to weed out the weirdos.

Following with interest as I’m considering giving up too!

I also agree with a previous poster saying they would meet up with someone after talking for a short a while as long as there was no red flags. It’s the best way to not waste anyone’s times and know if there is an attraction. And when I say meet up I mean in neutral place in public.

I met my fiancé the next day after talking online. And continued to meet him once a week to get to know each other until I was ready to commit a bit more past dating

No experience, but I have at least 5 or 6 friends who met their now husbands on line (met in London, mid 20s to mid 30s), still together 5-10 years on. I do think you need to be ruthlessly selective though.

Yes and no. It is incredibly hard to meet someone in real life once you move past the age of being out on the lash every weekend. They are pretty soul destroying places though, or can be, if you aren’t careful. This seems tame compared to other experiences but is an example of fairly typical male behaviour online - I had a recent message from a guy who said he could see from my profile that I was different to ‘standard girls’ and that I’m a ‘little hottie’.

But the success stories keep me eternally hopeful. My well meaning mum always tells me men using these sites aren’t the nicest, I then point out that I’m a decent, kind and honest person and I use them, so maybe there’s a man on there just like me!

It wasn't a waste of time for me. Met my fiancé 6 years ago. Lovely house and ds.

Definitely not a waste of time! I met my exH and current bf on it.

However, there's this idea people have, that online dating guarantees you a partner. It doesn't. It's just like normal dating, you may meet someone, you may meet some weirdos, you won't fancy or be fancied by every single person you come across. All that's happening is it is quickening up the process of meeting people by putting them all in the palm of your hand.

Before online dating, there were a lot of people who remained single forever, or got into bad relationships. Relationships are not a guarantee in life! With online dating, people have more options so they don't have to settle /die alone, which could have happen if you only stick to real life.

The same way you wouldn't be offended if you went to the supermarket and got hit on, or went to work and didn't fancy anyone, you can't take it personally if you're coming across bad profiles or not getting the results you want. Online dating is just a tool to help in your search.

You do need to cultivate strong self esteem and not take rejection personally, or get bitter and jaded. But again, that's something that also applies to real life dating! If you can manage your expectations around what online dating is expected to provide, and acknowledge it may take some time but you just have to keep at it, you'll enjoy the process more.

The men people meet in real life aren't magically better quality. If they were there'd no cheating, arseholes, narcissists, socially awkward people in the history of mankind! You're just in contact with more of them to widen your options. It's the other side of the coin.

Unless you're willing to wait years, and risk even more rejection in the real world, I'd recommend keeping the apps. If you're going to meet someone in real life, you'll meet them irrespective of whether you're on the apps or not. Take breaks if you're feeling fed up of it, but don't give up on it completely.

I think it helps to rebrand these apps in your head as "introduction apps". You cant date through an app, you can meet people though. And those people will be most incompatible with you, just like most of the folk you'd meet in a pub or club.

This

I met my lovely dp on tinder!!!