Husband's left at 26 weeks pregnant

[Nc1468]

Has anyone else (unfortunately) experienced this?

We had a fight last night and he told me that he still loves me but doesn't know what he wants and left. I'm in bits.

We've got an 18 month together and I'm 26 weeks pregnant and no idea what to think or to do.

Has he bothered to check in on your 18mo yet today?

Nope haven't heard from him yet.

Oh she babies him massively. I'm sure she would tell him to come home and sort it out but I doubt she would be strong with him

The way he has gone about this is despicable. No one should be in a relationship they don't want to be in but just fucking off in the night and leaving you to deal with the fall out while he gets looked after by his mum? Yuck. Even if you're not feeling strong (and I wouldn't be either), I would try and see this as space for you to think about whether YOU want this person because it sounds as though you deserve much better.

Oh flip sake. You poor thing. I hope you are being kind to yourself, will your toddler watch peppa pig or dreaded bing? Can anyone come and help you?

Furious for you. Like I say, they never say ‘I’m struggling with our existence, why don’t YOU go out to this convenient day spa with a book and a magazine while I rearrange the duplo/run the dishwasher/fold clothes whilst contemplating my own mediocrity and inability to step up to the plate’.

My DH loathed A LOT about parenting small children, it was just not for him. He also worked insane hours and was being flown here there and everywhere around the world. He 100% got stuck in with the crap work as soon as he got in.

I’m sorry this is happening. Make things as easy as you can for yourself today. Screen time or Peppa Pig etc, snacks, a nice walk to wear toddler out if you can - you can exercise with one person from another household if a friend can meet you. Try not to let your mind race about house, money, single parenting etc. None of that needs to be sorted today. While men often leave for another woman, it’s not always true and Covid has put huge stressors on some relationships.

I would call him and ask him to pick up DS for the day. He is probably fast asleep having a lay in...

Text him you are dropping off ds at xx time and will be using those hours to pack his gear up.
If he can do something without calm discussion so can you.
His mum isn't coming up smelling of roses either.
What an arse he is.

Yes, absolutely can you drop ds round at his mums for a bit?

Plenty of people work more than 50 hours a week.
Everybody is stressed atm.
He has done a very cowardly thing.
The grown up thing to do would have been to sit down and talk it through.
Look at the budget, look into a mortgage holiday, for example.
Ask his mum if she could give some support and help.
He has literally left you holding the baby/ babies.

Sounds like he’s very stressed op. A heart to heart is needed when he gets home I think.

@Beentherefonethat

Sounds like he’s very stressed op. A heart to heart is needed when he gets home I think.

And the OP isn't?

But she's not able to run away.

@Nanny0gg it’s not a competition is it. Both sides will think the other has it easier, that’s we’re the rot sets in. By having a heart to heart, they both get to say their piece.

What was the fight about that led to this?????

If he's working 50 hours a week and is stressed about money than I can sort of understand him needing a bit of space if everything has suddenly come to a head? - assuming there is no one else involved and depending on what the fight was about I'm sure he'll be back?

Until people have been the main financial earner responsible for supporting a family they have no idea what the pressure/stress can be like and it's very easy to criticise him on here....

Well maybe you should message him and ask him how on earth he's going to cope with his 50 hour a week job AND having your18 month old 50% of the time?

Or, if he has no intention of sharing the childcare burden, then how is he going to manage with getting his own place etc if he's still entirely funding your current home and family from his salary?

Those are the two choices, by the way. He either recognises that you are still trapped without funds as you are covering the round-the-clock care HIS 18 month old child requires and so he covers all expenses, OR he refuses to fund said expenses and then understands that that means you'll be looking for work and will not be available to cover more than 50% of childcare.

How are doing OP? Did he come back?

He did, things are still a bit weird but we're going to try and work on things so fingers crossed 🤞

Good luck OP. Have a back up plan just in case though. He doesn't sound too reliable. I hope he at least apologised to you.