Do you think being in love has to mean this

[Angelfish2021]

Just wondering if you think you can be in love with someone without imagining living with them in the future. Is it possible to be in Iove with no further progress within the relationship so you think? Or does being in love mean you will live with one another in the future, marriage etc? Just a thought really!

I've always thought that being in love meant progression e.g. living together, kids, marriage etc.

But I suppose are you happy with them? Are you content with how things are at the minute? I can't imagine being in love and not seeing a future but I guess everyone's different.

Well it depends what your vision of the future is really.

I want to live with someone and have kids with them. That might not be how I end up in the long run, but if my current partner said he didn't want to live together anymore and didn't want kids then I would end it.

So for me, not living together would mean no 'future' because the future I want includes that. But for many people it might not include that.

What do you want from the future? That's all that matters!

I think you can love someone in say 6 months? But not know if you want to marry them until years in lol.

Love is just a knowing how you feel about someone, and that feeling being strong. It doesn't mean you know what you want future action wise yet.

I've had kids. With my DP for 2.5 years. No plans to live together and if that changes I'll need lots of time/space to myself.

I love him but that part of my life is over so not necessarily seeing the need.

Society has dictated to us how a relationship should progress and look but one size doesn’t fit all. I know lots of couples that live together but can’t stand each other. They “progressed” from living apart to living together because society has dictated that’s the only way a relationship can progress but it’s proven that not always true. It depends on what the couple wants and what would they be happy with. I have another friend that has a child and has lived separately from her DH for 15 years. They only see each other on the weekend unless they are off from work. They are blissfully happy.

When I was younger (I’m near 50 now) I always thought I wanted to live with someone too as that’s all I knew. But I’m a serious introvert and I need LOTS of space and now I know that I probably could never live with anyone. And I can see myself being madly in love with someone and we live separately as long as he and I are happy with that situation. I don’t have the need to see someone every day just to feel close to them or feel like our relationship is “real” or “committed”.

It's an emotion. It doesn't have a social structure or a set of guidelines. Being in love doesn't 'mean' anything.

It's like saying 'Does being angry mean you have to shout?' or 'Does being happy mean you have to skip?'

Everybody demonstrates their emotions differently.

@CandyLeBonBon this is interesting to me - is your DP the father of the children?

@widespreadpanic a similar q to you - is your friend's DH the father of the child?

There are no rules in life that say the only way you can love someone is to live with them.

A determining factor may be the hassle of selling two houses and buying one together, if you've both been married before and if you both have children from previous relationships. Or if you live some distance from each other and there are children involved.

Case in point - Prue Leith doesn't live with her husband, they run two separate houses and live close to each other. She said it's for practical reasons, getting round the downsizing challenge of dealing with all their belongings, furniture etc. You might wonder well why did they get married - because they felt like it! Nobody stopped them, they are free agents, they weren't going to have children etc.

I think most people want to spend lots of time with a partner they're in love with, and as such end up spending most nights together anyway. This leads to moving in because it's cheaper to run one household than two in most cases. However, that's not to say this is always the case.

I've got 3 kids and separated from my stbxh
I'm happy in my own space.
Dont want to say I'll never experience love again, however, marriage and kids again it's a no, living with a man is also a no for me for now.
@Eckhart I like your analogy!

is also a no for me for now

I think this is also worth highlighting, along the lines of 'there are no rules/guidelines'. Our responses to our emotions will be different tomorrow from how they are today, and different again next week. Having a happy life is down to putting ourselves in positions where our natural responses seem appropriate, to us.

So, in your situation, possibly right now it might be an appropriate time to fall in love, but with someone who is happy not to live together. Life will deliver you some opportunities if you make yourself available... choose well

I'm divorced, raising my kids as a SP. I have a partner of some years. That relationship is serious and meaningful to me but I would be perfectly happy to keep the status quo of separate houses indefinitely. When I first was on my own I wouldn't have thought that, I loved being married, but I'm used to my own space and autonomy now. DP and I see each other when we want to and when we can focus on each other, not just by default or because its convenient. I've been badly 'burnt' by my ex and there's an element of self protection in there to, but to answer your question, no, love does not have to equal progression to living together or marriage.