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Relationships

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I feel different to other people.. how do I find out what I want. Open relationship or not?

1 reply

puzzledandconfused · 14/11/2020 12:45

This might be a bit out there. I have a partner, we both have no interest in marriage or kids. We get on great minus the sex side of things which is minimal at best. When we have it it's good enough, not fantastic but not bad by any stretch. I love him but I'm not 'in' love with him. We have a lovely life together and connect so well in every other way.. I can see myself growing old with him and us living together forever but something is missing. He's not affectionate beyond more than a hug and doesn't always like to communicate as openly as I'd like.

I've had thoughts of cheating in the past but haven't acted on them. I wouldn't ever want to be in a full relationship with another person. I also wouldn't want to hurt him. I'm trying to figure out what this is telling me. Do I want to be in an open relationship? This isn't about wanting to have lots of sex with a multitude of partners, but perhaps an open relationship whereby I can have another person in my life. There would be rules of course and I wouldn't stop him from doing the same.

Just trying to figure out what I'm asking for here. It's not polygamy as I don't want a group situation with multiple partners. I'd be happy with someone else to fill the void I don't get from my partner, without losing my partner, or hiding anything from him. I get this sounds awfully a lot like I want to have my cake and eat it too but I'm just trying to understand.

I do have some childhood trauma which may be influencing my non traditional views. I haven't spoken to my partner about it as I'm still figuring it out, he's more conservative than me too.

OP posts:
wishfuldreamer · 14/11/2020 13:00

I would advocate doing some reading and other research. It’s possible an open relationship might work for you, but it’s not an easy conversation to have.

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory, by Dedeker Winston is a nicely written, easily accessible book that may prompt some questions and thoughts for you. The Ethical Slut also excellent, but longer and more detailed.

Few other folks on here who are poly or open who might be able to talk those through as well. I don’t have experience of trying to open a previously closed relationship so I can’t help there, other than what I’ve observed.

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