I'd be so grateful for any advice. I've found out in the last couple of days that my husband has had an affair. The details are really outing but he is self employed and to cut a long story short, what he has done means that he can't go back to the business he was freelancing for (not because I've asked him not to). I was also quite friendly with the woman involved. It's been a double blow because not only do I have to deal with the betrayal, I also suddenly have a massive financial problem to solve.
We have a toddler DS who I have always done most of the day to day care for and have a freelancing business of my own that I fit around my son. The house is mortgaged in both our names but I put in all of the capital to buy it.
DH is very keen to try and repair the marriage, whereas I am pretty sure that there is no way back. I'm upset about the betrayal, but I'm more angry about the complete recklessness as the consequences of his actions were completely foreseeable. There is a background of him generally being totally disorganised and making stupid decisions that I've then had to step in to solve, and I've had enough. I've asked him to move back to his parents to give me space to work out what I want to do, which he has done.
This was a bolt from the blue and I'm not quite sure what the next practical steps are that I need to take. Before this all came out, the marriage was reasonably happy although he was very reliant on me and his disorganisation was a constant source of stress and mental load. However, I certainly wasn't considering divorce IYSWIM so I hadn't looked into anything.
I think I'm coping quite well and I've already applied for and been given some better paid work since it all came out, and I'm quite pleased with that. While of course I'm really furious, we are still able to communicate calmly and are on as amicable terms as it's possible to be after something like this so I'm hoping this won't become ugly and we can work out a way forward. The only thing that really matters to me is making sure that DS is happy, secure and provided for and my husband says he feels the same.
I'd be so grateful just to be able to talk through what I need to do next and air my thoughts a bit. The thing that is upsetting me the most is what will happen with residency for my son. I want him to have lots of contact with his dad but I strongly feel that the best thing for him is for me to be the resident parent as he is used to me being the one that looks after him, I have an income, and I've just generally got my shit together far more than my husband. DS is also still breastfeeding. But I've read online that the preferred solution is often 50/50 and it's scared me as I don't think it's right for our situation. DH has said that he doesn't want to be resident parent.
Sorry for the long post. My mind just feels completely overloaded and things feel quite insurmountable, although I'm sure I'll find a way through in the end.