Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Man trouble

10 replies

bushytail66 · 13/11/2020 22:29

Anyone else out there having man trouble, the thing is ive just seperated from my husband after 22 years but he wont take no for an answer, i just want to be left alone with my kids, but hes always bothering me,We have been split 3 months now, but he wont except its over, anyone got any advice,im at the end of my tether

OP posts:
Imagiraffe · 13/11/2020 22:42

Im sorry for what you are going through. Do you still live together?

Original poster
bushytail66 · 14/11/2020 11:10

@Imagiraffe

Im sorry for what you are going through. Do you still live together?
No we dont live together,but he constantly phones me asking if we can get back together, i feel at peace now and just want to be left alone
OP posts:
Namechangedforthisoct2 · 14/11/2020 11:14

I would start by asking him to not contact you unless it’s regarding the children.
Then start refusing that down, otherwise he’ll just use that as an excuse. Don’t answer calls or texts.
Stop being so available.
If needed, and I don’t see why you should have to do this, change your phone number and communicate re the children via email.

TwentyViginti · 14/11/2020 11:16

Every time he does this, cut him off and don't answer his calls for a few hours. Do you have to stay in contact because of DC?

Original poster
bushytail66 · 14/11/2020 11:42

What it is i feel guilty because of the children, I feel sorry for whats happened between myself and there dad, i went through the same thing as a child and it did affect me, they are older then i was, but the youngest hasnt taking it great and i feel she is on his side

OP posts:
litterbird · 14/11/2020 16:51

As soon as he meets someone else it will evaporate over night with his calls. I can't offer any advise but try and be firm with him and not answer his calls and just send a text to say only to communicate about children. He is just adjusting to the loss and is far behind you in the grieving of the relationship. It will stop, it just takes a bit of time his end to get to the acceptance stage. Glad you are moving forward though and the children will come to accept this too in time.

Original poster
bushytail66 · 14/11/2020 20:37

@litterbird

As soon as he meets someone else it will evaporate over night with his calls. I can't offer any advise but try and be firm with him and not answer his calls and just send a text to say only to communicate about children. He is just adjusting to the loss and is far behind you in the grieving of the relationship. It will stop, it just takes a bit of time his end to get to the acceptance stage. Glad you are moving forward though and the children will come to accept this too in time.
thankyou littlebird for your advice,much appreciated
OP posts:
SortingItOut · 15/11/2020 07:33

My husband did the same when i ended our marriage i agreed to stay friends (worst mistake ever) so we would speak occassionally. Everything went well until he found out i was seeing someone- after that he phoned and messaged constantly to grill me about our marriage and to beg me to try again.

In the end i told him that when he rung if he mentioned our marriage i would end the call. The first time it happened i warned him and then a few minutes later he mentioned it again so i hung up and turned my phone off.

A few days later he rung again, started on about the marriage so i hung up without warning and switched my phone off.

I then banned him from ringing me and never answered his calls.

He could message though and he behaved for a while but then did the whole marriage questions again as well as threatening suicide so i then blocked him from texting and all contact goes through email only and i only answered questions about our kids and the divorce and nothing else.

As someone else said his life has been turned upside down snd he is grieving but that doesnt give him the right to constantly ask to get back together.
I presume he knows why you split.

Get some boundaries in place and stick to them.
Just because someone rings doesnt mean you have to answer.
Answer when you want and if he starts on about trying again make it clear that the subject is banned and if he continues then you'll hang up and you must.
Do that esch yime and if he doesnt get the hint block calls but allow messages.

You could even silence his messages and just look at them at a set time each day when you are mentally ready and answer in your own time.

Do not let guilt of leaving him let him treat you like shit.

Original poster
bushytail66 · 15/11/2020 09:50

@SortingItOut

My husband did the same when i ended our marriage i agreed to stay friends (worst mistake ever) so we would speak occassionally. Everything went well until he found out i was seeing someone- after that he phoned and messaged constantly to grill me about our marriage and to beg me to try again.

In the end i told him that when he rung if he mentioned our marriage i would end the call. The first time it happened i warned him and then a few minutes later he mentioned it again so i hung up and turned my phone off.

A few days later he rung again, started on about the marriage so i hung up without warning and switched my phone off.

I then banned him from ringing me and never answered his calls.

He could message though and he behaved for a while but then did the whole marriage questions again as well as threatening suicide so i then blocked him from texting and all contact goes through email only and i only answered questions about our kids and the divorce and nothing else.

As someone else said his life has been turned upside down snd he is grieving but that doesnt give him the right to constantly ask to get back together.
I presume he knows why you split.

Get some boundaries in place and stick to them.
Just because someone rings doesnt mean you have to answer.
Answer when you want and if he starts on about trying again make it clear that the subject is banned and if he continues then you'll hang up and you must.
Do that esch yime and if he doesnt get the hint block calls but allow messages.

You could even silence his messages and just look at them at a set time each day when you are mentally ready and answer in your own time.

Do not let guilt of leaving him let him treat you like shit.

yes i think im going to have to take you advice sortingitout, as hes still harassing me
OP posts:
SortingItOut · 16/11/2020 06:12

Harassment is a crime and it cant continue.

I know you hold a lot of guilt because you're the one that ended it but remember you didnt end it for no reason.

My husband actually started stalking me, he put a tracker in my car, he entered my home when i wasnt there and took personal stuff of mine. He drove past my house constantly and then slashed a tyre on the van of the guy i was seeing when he stayed over.
I was scared to leave my house, i constantly checked doors and windows were locked (back door was udually open constantly for dogs to have free reign), i only walked my dogs on the main road in my village so i could be seen rather than walking through fields.
It was the worst time of my life and if i have any contact with him now i have nightmares that same night.

Honestly you give them an inch they take a mile. Nip it in the bud while you can.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page