Have been married for 5 years and have DC.
Have found out over the last year that DH has got us into £1000s worth of debt so much so that I will have to go bankrupt as have no possible way of paying any of it off.
He has been unfaithful to me. Recently found text messages on his phone. Told me he was too drunk to remember and that he was only chatting to someone in a friendly way but these text messages were obviously not friendly. Called the girl darling in them and asked if he could come round. He had previously told me of another episode of being unfaithful and I forgave him.
I do all housework and all childcare. When I asked him to give me a hand and just a couple of lie ins a month he told me that if I wanted to start sharing child care then I could get myself a job (am a SAHM - and he knows this is very important to me). He looked positively triumphant when he said it to me as well. He said it would be the answer to all our problems financially - I have not run up any debts by the way so would be working to pay off the debts that he has run up. Told me he was sick of carrying me on his back.
When there were concerns that our DS might be on the autism spectrum he told me that I was making a fuss because I enjoyed the drama and wanted DS to be have ASD so I could feel important.
He drinks a lot but not around the children. I don t allow alcohol around them. Whenever he goes out he stays out all night and when one of our DC was only two weeks old he disappeared for three days. Has done disappearing acts fairly regularly throughout our marriage. After one of these extended disappearances my DS told me that he didnt like me anymore because I was always shouting at his dad when he had been to work. This is where he tells DC he is when he is out for days at a time. He disappears less now but only I think because he has no money. Basically he comes and goes as he pleases.
He tells me he loves me and he is patient and kind with the children (when he is with them). He is younger than me and I suppose that I have often excused his behaviours because I thought he was just needing to grow up. I have asked him to leave but he has no where else to go and no money and my children love their father. At the moment i dont feel that I could cope with the upheaval of a break up and my kids would be devastated. He is quite verbally abusive in rows and it takes me days sometimes to get over some of the things he says. Nothing is sacred.
I don t have any support where I am living and often go for days with him being the only adult I speak to. I feel that the damage re debts etc has already been done now and by asking him to move out it would be like bolting the door after the horse has bolted. Any practical or inspirational advice would be gratefully received. I feel so drained and just don t know what to do next.