I'm so fed up with my dp

[Anon778833]

We have a 10 month old dd. We don't live together, but we are still in a relationship (god knows why).

He has these funny obsessive phases - it's hard to explain. But the latest one is that he's become obsessed with this stupid Q Anon thing and he thinks that Trump is a good person. Trump is a vile, odious man and I find him sickening for many reasons. It's like my dp has become this professional conspiracy theorist and it's really pissing me off. He gets angry with me if I don't agree with him and tells me to 'shut up'.

I'm angry because I'm pretty much single handedly raising our dd whilst he flits in and out. Then when he's here he's constantly staring at LinkedIn, talking to other stupid conspiracy theorists who think that Donald Trump is here to save the world from child trafficking. And stuff to do with coronavirus - it doesn't exist / people should keep their businesses open in spite of lockdown and so on blah blah blah.

He was like this in April / May, then he got better and now it's back with a vengeance. This isn't the life I want.

That sounds awful, do you want to leave him?

Well, what's stopping you ending things properly?

You have control here. Take it.

You said it OP - god knows why you are in a relationship with this substandard fuckwit.

You have nothing to lose by getting rid of this loser. If you live separately, there should be nothing much you need to do except arrange access to your DC and maintenance. Let him devote his life to following the other big Loser, Trump.

Why are you allowing it?

This problem is very easily solved. Dump him.

He has these weird fads and then usually after a while he suddenly snaps out of it and things go ok......until the next time.

He could be obsessed with you, his wonderful DD, all that's good and hopeful in the world - instead he spends his time linked up with stupid online conspiracy theorists. That says a lot about him OP: he's a fantasist. What's in it for you?

Our dd loves him and I suppose I want him to be in her life. He says he knows he spends too much time on LinkedIn and he's going to not go on there all weekend. He wasn't like this at all when I was pregnant. Is this sort of thing caused by mental illness?

You don't need to be in a relationship for him to be in her life.

If he'd just fuck off out of her life if you weren't having sex with him, then he's not exactly a great father, is he?

I think that's what I'm afraid of.

So really, you don't believe he gives a crap about your dd.

Do you have any decent men in your life?

You’re staying out of fear not because you like him. By this time next year you could have a lovely stress free life and give yourself the chance to meet somebody not weird. You don’t want this life. You’ve said that. You don’t live together. It’s so easy. He shared custody and pays maintenance. You get two weekends a month to yourself to chill out and find a new life. Don’t drag this on! She’s only 10 months! You going to stick with this weirdo for the next 18 years!!!

It's like some of the time, he's really kind and attentive and the other times he's down some stupid rabbit hole.

During this time, he also ignores his mum, his grown up kids and his best friend. He barely speaks to them. Last weekend I was texting his mum and she said she hasn't heard from him in ages. I told him he needs to put more effort in with them not spend his life talking to idiots.

A couple of weeks ago he went to a rally in Birmingham and came back saying there were loads of people there that looked like drug addicts. 😩

It sounds like this how he deals with stress. Some people delve into TV boxsets, others disappear into fantasy novels or online gaming.

His mind might not be able to process that this is all happening. As far fetched as you might think conspiracy theroies are, to many people they are actually more comforting and in some way more believable than realising that shit events can happen all their own. Some shocks are so great for people that they simply cannot believe that certain things are random. People and governments can be overthrown - completely random events cannot. Sometimes there is no one to blame. That's scary for some people. They want to find a pattern, want to find someone accountable, want to feel that they have a degree of control of it.

This happened to people a long time ago when crops failed - they couldn't fathom why life could be so random, almost cruel so they assumed that there had to be a higher power punishing them for their sins. This happened with natural disasters too.

The other reasons for believing conspiracy theories is that it's exciting. People get to feel like they belong to a club - an exclusive club where only they know what's really going on. It's related to ego, a wanting to be special, a need to feel superior but belong to some kind of knowledge elite at the same time.

People like this often will exhaust a subject and move in when it bores them. However, getting angry with you and neglecting his own child in favour of this is unacceptable. I would start to be concerned that is was developing into something very unhealthy if it were ticking these boxes -

• affecting personal life (ignoring or neglecting family & friends which he us doing at the moment)
• impairing sleep
• negatively affecting work performance by distacting them constantly throughout the day and jeopardizing employment

I'd book a telephone appointment with a GP if you are really concerned.