I've been a fool haven't I?

[Imagiraffe]

I posted on here last year about how my other half left me for another woman. Anyway we got back together, wasn't that simple we had both been through some very traumatic times and he said he'd made a mistake. I forgave him we moved on....... fast forward to tonight and I find out hes been meeting other women. I don't know how long this has been happening or how as we are meant to be in lockdown. I feel such a fool, I've given this man everything now im the one with nothing. Im devastated, I feel my life is over. I can't talk to anyone in real life I feel such an idiot, I don't want to hear the ' I told you so's' I already know.

You learned a lesson the hard way- like many of us do.

Kick him out, draw a line under it, forgive yourself, and move on.

It'll be ok
🙂

You are probably right somethingkindaoooo I just feel like such a fool for falling for his lies. Even last night he was telling me how we'd move abroad when we're a bit older and rent one of our houses out. We kept both our houses luckily.

Poor you I don't think you were silly to give him a chance but one thing I do want to say is that your life certainly isn't over and your happiness doesn't depend on him xx

It feels like my life is over. I've lost my families support for taking him back and my mental health took such a battering that I lost my job, I'm going to have to sell up as he lives nearby and I can't bare to see him day after day. I've got to stay strong this time I can't fall for him again.

Make sure that the only thing that is over for you is letting him hurt and fool you again. Many people deserve a second chance but he blew his so get your house sold, bugger off as far away from him as you can!

If you feel low now just imagine how worse it could get if you weaken and let him talk you into yet another go!

Thank you MonroeM I know you are right. I appreciate everyone's comments. Lifes so hard isn't it.

I’m sorry x you know what though, you can make a choice now and leave him now with your head high, don’t take him back, don’t give him the time of day - and in a few months time you’ll look back and be so fucking proud of yourself. Honestly, after my last bad break up this really was something I was always proud of and it definitely shocked and pissed off the ex. You will get through this

Tell your family you made a mistake going back to him. They'll forgive you.

Carpetmoffman well done you, I hope I can say the same one day. Hes just text saying I'm his everything. So not true, how can it be when he's meeting other women!!

The other women will soon get the measure of him, and drop him. He is not worth any more upset and hassle.

I've been there OP, and every time I caught him cheating, I took him back. We have a Choi's together and he didn't live with my son and I for a most 2 years while we 'tried' to fix our relationship - he would come over, stay round etc as I allowed it to happen as he said he was sorry and he only ever loved me, but he still continued to cheat. After months of both counselling (both couples and by myself), I've realised the effect of the numerous time's he cheated slowly destroyed my soul, confidence and self-worth, and it's unfortunately a personality disorder within him which won't change.

My friends/ family were also fed up with the whole situation, but they've always been there to pick up the pieces. I've finally moved on, and as hard as it was, I feel at peace and I don't have the anxiety and constant worry.
Don't fall for his words, and don't take him back - it will be hard, but you will be ok.. it'll just take time, and you'll be so much happier. Good luck x

Try reaching out to your family and friends OP, if they know you are definitely not going to take him back again they will probably soften - RL support is so important in situations like this

You don't need to make rash decisions like selling your house just give yourself a break.

I would say priority is getting some mh support from your gp and getting back to work.

You need to block him on everything you really do.

Does he know you know?

The thing that gets me through feeling like I want someone back is reminding myself that it won’t fix anything, I just want to stop the immediate pain. If you go back to him you’re just prolonging the time that you’ll feel like this again. So get it done with now. In a month, 6 months, a year, things will look so different and you’ll be so glad you didn’t go backwards.

Your family will probably come round if you leave him again. Just one foot in front of the other for a bit until you get through this.

Sorry you're going through this.

You're not an idiot.

Of course you're heartbroken. Please do talk to someone in real life. I know how hard it is to talk about, but it helps.

Move on and move up!

He knows i know, I answered the phone to someone stored as Dan yesterday. I asked who it was then I saw his face. There was a message from a Jordan too, we don't have friends of these names. He admitted meeting them saying he didn't do anything just wanted company. If that was the truth then why didn't he tell me he was going out?

He's obviously cheating on you. You can try to convince yourself that he's not blatantly and outrageously lying to you, but that cold feeling inside is telling you the truth.

Well now you are wiser and can move on. At least you won't look back and wonder, "what if I'd given him a second chance?" Now you know the answer.
He is incapable of loyalty, commitment and honesty, unlike you.
You're not a fool. You took a risk and trusted him because you're a good person and can't fathom the level of deception and careless, selfish hedonism he clearly adopts as his motto. But now he's broken your trust multiple times so you are free of any sense of obligation to him or the relationship.
Like a PP says, staying with him will only lower your self-respect but moving on will allow you to build up your confidence and trust in yourself.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but today is the beginning of your exciting life without a cheater. You just have to make it through the grief and shock fog to see it.
You'll get there!

Hes now said there's nothing to it, he apparently met a pair of lesbians in the kebab queue and has been meeting them and going to their flat drinking. Hahaha like that makes everything better.

(((Hug)))

You're not the first & you won't be the last to take a bloke back & for him to do it again.

Surely your family will understand when you say you made a mistake, but you won't be taking him back again (and mean it!)

Whose house are you currently living in?

How old are you? Any kids?

He met two lesbians that he's meeting up with?

Of course he did 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jesus if cheating isn't bad enough, treating you like you're thicker than wall
Paper paste is just insulting

No my family won't understand. They are my harshest critics. I'll have to deal with this on my own. My children are late teens. My son has a baby that stays with him in our home part of the week, I usually stay with my partner that half and him with me the other half. Things will be very different now and I'll probably only be able to afford a much smaller house when we move. But I can't bare to see the man that has treated me so badly every day. I know I've got to move on, hes treating my like an idiot because that it what I've been.

You have not been an idiot. I think the fact you were willing to try and forgive shows your strength. Unfortunately he does not have your strength or your integrity.

My husband recently left after having an affair. I’m still struggling with it but I keep coming back to the fact that he has an empty void in himself. Your OH is the same.

You havent been an idiot. You opted to trust someone and give them the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately it didn't pay off but what you did was strong and kind. The embarrassing behaviour is all his. I'm sorry it happened, it bloody sucks.