I’ll try and keep it short and objective, but I’m desperate to know if there are any women out there who have been through what I’m facing now and can tell me what they did.
My Fiancé and I had been together for a year and a half. We had been overseas during the pandemic and had decided to move back to the UK. He was going to spend a week or two at his parents to pick up the stuff we had left at theirs and allow us both time to spend with family before the moving in together during a lockdown. I fell pregnant unintentionally and found out shortly after he left.
It was our ‘proposal’ anniversary the day after I found out, and I decided to tell him then. However, we had a few arguments, as we had businesses together that clouded conversations, so we decided that we do not have the resources to be dealing with a pregnancy as well. He offered to fly back to me so he could support me during the abortion he wanted me to have, but due to covid19 he had to be in quarantine for 2 weeks and could not travel. I tried to turn to him for advice, but he was too busy with work, and his family obligations so he could barely talk to me, which made me push him away as I felt depending on his answer to make a decision.
I then decided to go through with the abortion as he finally wrote back and encouraged me to do it. I took the first pill, and 24 hours later I was feeling pains, and some light bleeding. I was supposed to take the second pill but I couldn’t. So I stopped. The entire day I refrained from talking to him so I could think straight. The next day I had to pay for the doctors who took a scan and gave me the abortion pills (cervix was still closed, it was still alive, but there was a chance it wouldn’t make it).
He was in charge of the money, and he hadn’t put money in my account, so my first message to him after a day of no response was if there was an issue with the money? He was disappointed and expressed that he didn’t wish to talk business with me and wants to know if the abortion went through. He then sent me an email shortly after ending my contract at the company, and cut off all access to the business (so I couldn’t answer people back). He mentioned how he needs to end it as it is too focused on that, and he wants to focus on the personal. I expressed that it was not okay, and I understood his point, but I didn’t even have a chance to hand over or say goodbye properly (as you would on a final day). I also explained why I needed the money, which he then transferred. That same day, we came to an agreement to fight through the tough times and he’d mentioned how he had been looking at apartments he was going to send me. Although, I still asked to say goodbye for the business side, and he wrote back to me saying he needs some time and I need to rest, so we’d talk the next day.
Next day, I text and call him, but couldn’t get a hold of him. He then writes to me saying he is not feeling good, extremely cold and his mom is there and is pushing for information, and wants to know about the abortion, and asked if he could tell her. I said yes, but I was worried so I persisted to call and asked to talk to him to hear if he was okay. He didn’t reply. I got so worried that I wrote to his mother, who didn’t reply either. I booked the next available flight and said I’d be there, and I hope he is okay (thinking he was miserable without me and struggling because he had been sleeping alone for the first time in over a year). 2 hours after booking the flight, he calls me, and after asking how I was, he says he needs to end it, call of the engagement and that it isn’t working for him, he is broken and needs to heal. It all came out of the blue.. we had plans, and our lives were so integrated, bank accounts, rentals etc. So I tried to fight for our relationship but he said he needs to move on, and he does not see a future with me anymore. In short, no matter what I said, I couldn’t convince him to fight for us.
the day following the breakup, he closed down our bank accounts, changed passwords and then sent me an email (please bear in mind that we never communicated on email) with a list of things left to ‘sort out’, including a list of our stuff and pictures of us, asking me what I want him to send.
Currently, I’m having trouble thinking straight, and I feel like I’ve lost my best friend I told everything to and would usually handle this with. I’ve accepted that he does not want to be in touch. I have not told him of my intention to keep it, as I’ve accepted he wants nothing to do with me while he focuses on healing himself and moving on. I too, hope to move on but hoping any you on mums net have been through anything similar? Should I tell him I intend to keep it? Can I do that while still cutting him off and moving on? I’m I a fool for thinking I can do it alone?
xx