No longer attracted to my better half

[justsaiyan]

I need advice! I've been with my husband for 14 years and I love him dearly, he and my kids are my world. My problem is, I no longer find him physically attractive when we are intimate. He has put on a lot of weight over the years and I'm no spring chicken, but I find his belly very off putting. I don't mean to be unkind, but has anyone else experienced this? I'm just after some advice really. I have mentioned diets before but his heart just isnt in it so they don't happen. I couldn't dream of telling him how I feel as he does so much for us and I don't want to upset him. I'm not a shallow person, I just know how I feel and I don't want to be feeling it in the bedroom.

This is a tricky one. On one hand people will say you should love the person no matter what, on the other you can't help what you feel and if you're not attracted to the person you're not attracted. Especially if what attracted you to that person in the first place has significantly changed. My husband has a bit of a belly but he had it when we met so it's nothing new. While obviously I would have preferred him to have washboard abs, my attraction to him was more than physical. Could you focus on other parts of his body/personality you finding attractive?

Does he express unhappiness with the weight gain? It's cruel to tell someone they've basically gotten fat but if he's unhappy you could guide him towards weight loss by suggesting you both go for a walk/hike/swim together? Try and make it a regular thing and maybe he'll get his mojo back and start making an effort and eating less.

You can love him yet no longer be sexually attracted to him. Makes for a dreadful marriage, though. I would also be upset that he doesn't care enough about his health to do anything about his weight.

This actually happened to me but in reverse. An ex I dated was already small then he lost weight. Oddly skinny men don’t do it for me so no matter how much I fought those feelings I couldn’t overcome them. I believe you are attracted to what you’re attracted to and even love can’t squash that.