Living together with DP after separating is making me question...

[WTFdoIdo2020]

... if I'm doing the right thing.

DP and I agreed to separate after 20yrs together. We have 2 young DC (5 and 1) and are in the process of sorting out finances to allow us to have 2 homes. We are living in the same house still while we sort the details and expect to be until January.

Living together is fine, amicable, we are nice to each other, we work very well together as parents and really do split looking after the DC 50/50.

Due to lack of anyone nearby who can look after DC (family miles away, all friends nearby have young DC of their own) we had neglected our relationship since DC but as i said we are good on a day-to-day basis. For full disclose, the relationship broke down because I found out he's been doing hook-ups with other people over the last few months. He did cheat years ago but we got past it - but this time I know things won't change and he told me he couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again . SO relationship is over but 20yrs together means we get on together and our day-to-day is fine.

anyway, with our current arrangement of not being a couple but living together as parents to our kids is making me wonder if i'm cutting off my nose to spite my (DCs) face - my relationship with DP was/is fine day-to-day, financially things will be much tighter if we live apart (although just about OK) and i'm already worrying how much DC will see xDP due to his shift patterns (it won't be a patch on what it is now).

not sure what my question is - maybe, should i sacrifice the 95% good for the 5% bad?? does separating and him moving out necessarily mean things will be better?? i certainly don't have the energy or inclination to be in a relationship with anyone else right now - so if that's off the radar right now, why not continue living together as parents to the DC if not as partners?? my head is a mess!

He told you he cannot guarantee he won't do it again. Make it a clean break and stick to the split. Anything else just muddies the waters. It's amicable now but there is no way of guaranteeing that when he's out shagging around and you're at home. How would it work if he met someone and had a relationship? Or if you did? I had to live with ex for a while after we split and by the end of that period things did get worse when they were ok to begin with, I couldn't wait for it to just be done with.

I think it's also too confusing to children and will let them grow up with a very skewed view of what a healthy relationship should be.

If you thought you'd be perfectly happy living together as housemates, there might be some reason to wait a bit before moving - but it sounds like there would be background stress, despite the fact you get on OK? I was together with my ex for 20 years too, and it was still a relief when he moved out.

The sooner you start on your new life, the sooner that new life will feel normal and you and the kids can all settle into it. It's scary moving into the unknown, but it quickly becomes the known.

Being apart will help you heal and at some point your feelings about having a new partner might very well change drastically.