Any tips?

[julietmanchester]

How to get through the winter with a abusive husband? That's it.

He's already sleeping in a separate room, his verbal abuse won't stop. He breaks things in the house. I can't leave him until the pandemic is sorted in some way.

Any tips would help.

I've read up on 'grey rock', but maybe some more useful daily tips will help me get through this hell.

Yes. Don't get through the winter with him. Get him thrown out. I used to be you.

Sounds dreadful.

There must be a way you can leave/get him to leave. What's stopping you being able to? Some posters might be able to think of solutions.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would say you have to get out this situation but it’s not that easy is it. Surround yourself with love as much as you can.

How can we help?

I’m sorry to hear this OP.
Why can’t you leave him until the pandemic is over? Abuse does not have to be tolerated even in a pandemic.
Have you contacted women’s aid?

Any tips on daily survival? Until D day?

We have a DS, I cannot go anywhere without husband lashing out- I'm scared he will paint me as the one who took his child away? He's malignant. Very.

Have a look at this thread OP, it’s a positive story of someone who left an abusive relationship and advice.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4076744-Positive-story-thank-you-Mumsnet?msgid=101668861#101668861

@julietmanchester he will paint you as that, because he’s a manipulator. I don’t have tips for what to do daily. My dad was like this, he eventually calmed down when he got old and a bit sick. But the years are lost.

What are the factors that you're not able to leave?

@RantyAnty

My husband is a malignant narcissist, which means I need to very careful. He can cheat and somehow he's the victim crying, and I'm the abusive one. For what? Making him feel lousy for asking him to tell me the truth? I'm 'attacking' him due to asking for acknowledgement.

It goes on and on. He can fool a lot of people, and my DS.

Any and every time he kicks off, call the police. Every single time. You can get an occupancy order which will force him to leave.

@Aquamarine1029

I'm afraid husband will lie and say it was me. He lies all day. He plays victim and has this ability to cry whenever he deems will serve his interest.

He's not normal- no one seems to understand.

Call Women's Aid, they can help you.

He sounds twisted. Hang in there, meanwhile can you start sorting things to keep your brain occupied, do you work? If not can you start looking etc, entitledto.co.uk is a benefits calculator for you to work out your finances. The wait at the minute is 5/6 weeks ish so you could start a claim soon. Keep day dreaming of a day where you wake up and he’s not there abusing you, dragging you down. DS may not notice now but he would have, or worse he could have copied his behaviour in his later relationships. I understand it’s not always just as easy as packing up and going, but do start to tie up loose ends. Get passports together, out the house if possible, start getting rid of little bits and bobs ‘charity bags’ but storing at a friends/family or even a small lock up or you can afford one without him noticing. Do you have friends and family local? You have us all here x

When I say ‘hang in there’ I mean mentally to keep you going, I don’t mean Hang onto he relationship- just to clarify!

Speak to Women's Aid.

Not sure why the pandemic is stopping you making exit plans? You can still move and get support. You're in a domestic abuse situation.

Keep a log of his behaviour (somewhere safe he can't access).

It doesn't actually matter if, in the aftermath of you splitting, he spouts a lot of bollocks about you taking his child away. You will have your truth, and your safety.

I understand op. I really understand. My xh accussed me of abusing him too. Are you able to start watching tic toc? I'm years separated but only recently divorced. Tic toc has short videos that have helped me understand. Lots of people understand. My xh cried in court. No one believed him.

Even if he does say you are the one with the problem, so what? Anyone who believes him is not your friend.

Get yourself and your wee lad free.
You can go to the police station whilst calm and report the abuse. Tell them about him breaking things ect. See if they can remove him.

But definately speak to womens aid.

And remember that if he threatens to take your child: it's a load of guff. His kind always say that shit but in reality, the judge will not take custody away from the mother. Also, they rarely go through with the threats because the truth is, theres mo way they would want to be the main caregiver.

You know what he is so tou should know that sticking it out is never the answer.

Gret rock is only useful for brief contact (eg: child dropoffs). It is not advisable long term. Especially with a malignant narcissist. Because if they cotton on to what you are doing, they will really punish you for it.

I thought mine was a narcissistic sociopath but now I think malignant narcissist too. Women's Aid are amazing. They will know everything and they will teach you what you need to know. Start getting organised. Phone them.