My emotionally unavailable and commitment-phobe ex boyfriend of 19 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. The relationship wasn't making me happy. I enjoyed the time we had together but it was all on a very superficial level - there were no meaningful conversations and there was no emotional depth. I also feared his lack of capacity to commit, which was eventually proven right - he wanted a girlfriend for the good times but not someone to build a life with, to support during bad times, or to prioitise. For too long, I allowed him to minimise and devalue the relationship whilst I tried to meet his needs for space and prove I was a good girlfriend by doing things like fitting in around his priorities of work, cycling and golf; making his favourite food; buying him little thoughtful presents etc in the desperate hope that he would realise that he had something good with me and that he did want a future together.
So now we're not together, i should be happy that I'm free to find someone else who will commit and value me, right? But here I am, feeling sad and not able to concentrate or get excited about anything. I got a new job today and I should be so happy, especially in this climate but I'm just not. I feel like I have no future.
Why is there this disconnect between my rational thoughts and my emotions? I really feel like I will never be happy again. Can anyone help me to understand this?